我就是 bEnjinG...

"when was the last time you smiled truly"

2007-07-02T01:44:00.000+08:00

has not been blogging for quite some time already. just not in that kind of blogging mood.

realised that i have been neglecting this blog for more than half a year already. if not for jac's question, think i wun not be back to this blog now.

lots of things have changed ever since the last entry. i have not been myself for the past months. and i am not exactly feeling happy at this moment. somehow i feel lonely. i feel alone. there is a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my mind, and sometimes you just cannot find that one person whom you can relate your feelings to, or one who can give your that comforting ear and shoulder. i realised that as i grow older, i am slowly retreating into a shell of my own. my social circle may have widen, yet i am feeling lonelier. there are so many times when i need a shoulder, an ear, and i cannot find one around me. so much thoughts and emotions to let out. and i can only let out to my own heart. there are a lot of things do not feel the same anymore and i have been searching for those old feelings. but i just can't find them.

maybe this is the mid twenties depression. i am quite tired of my own life. a life which i can never run away from responsibilities and whatever i do, i will need to think of people around me. every decision i made, i will need to consider the feelings of the people around me. i have lived for a quarter of century, and i can only look back on a life filled with much regrets and little achievements. there were so much that i want to do, and yet i did not. and so i regretted. i really hope i can secure a job soon. pretty tired of answering questions about my job search. personally i am also tired of living such an aimless life. i have never feel so lost about my future. no direction, no motivation. and i have only myself to blame for such predicament. the comments made by the interview panel hit me hard last week. they made me feel small. they made me feel naive to think that employers will judge me on my potential and not my results. and deep inside my heart, i know that i have never performed to my full potential throughtout JC and NTU. my nonchalance and laziness cost me the good honours. i dont know how long more i going to stay jobless. and yes. my application to my first choice career path seem to has failed. i have not received any news even though it is already a week past the supposed deadline.. it did hit me hard too , cause i was pretty positive about it and now i can only pray for my other applications.

was reading the old entries and the memories started to pour in. we are no longer in close contact, and i do miss her. even thou i felt like a fool previously, and i was disappointed. even thou i know it has always been an one sided affair. i still miss her today.

2006-11-14T11:28:00.000+08:00

sometimes how ironic things can be. a month ago, i was hoping that the old, jolly and bubbly "her" will be back. From her recent blog entry, I can see that she got lots of things going for her now and that she is happier, and more bubbly. The old her is back. But I am not happier now. I do not know why. Lots of things happened over the month. Maybe becos now she is back to her old self, I guess I have no more reason to be by her side anymore, to try and lend her a shoulder, to cheer her on anymore. Maybe becos with so much going for her now, I guess I will soon be out of her life totally. I should be happy for her, indeed i am, but somehow and somehow I am not happy wholly.

The whole story about Mr A, Ms B and Mr C is just so ironic. In fact the whole episode seem like a joke if you look back at it. And I am the joke. The recent happening is even more ridiculous, and I do not what to say when I heard about it. I feel like a joke actually but then I guess I am one from the start actually.

Seriously I do not will things ever go back to what's like before. Last weekend was a good example that it may not. I need to overcome myself first. I am the problem.

可不可以让我回到突然长大那一天
那一刻他的吻改变我的世界
可不可以这个夏天这些故事能永远
球场边界外线我们已越走越远

我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面
把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念
在我的天空蔓延
他有的善良和善变

我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁

可不可以让我练习心碎时候有笑脸
等着他已走远才能落下眼泪
可不可以让我消失在地平线这瞬间
哭过了冷却了起风了却不能飞

我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁

所以我可以一直拥抱心碎

2006-11-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

我很想爱他

唱：Twins

天空下起雨了他撑的伞在你的身边陪著
可是我不快乐因为看见他脸上的笑是很勉强的

我很想爱他但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗谁能给我一个好回答

爱情是模糊的
可怜的是没有勇气选择
如果再舍不得这样下去我们每个人都是受害者

我很想爱他但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗谁能给我一个好回答

当爱情陷在危险边缘
是否都会伤痕累累
是否都会苦不堪言

我很想爱他但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗谁能给我一个好回答

2006-11-06T02:58:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what if i do not come clean about my feelings to the people around me; what if i actually keep quiet abt my feelings for her

maybe she will never sense it, maybe things will not be so awkward for me now. I do not have to wary of things I do, especially in her prescence, in the prescence of CV etc. I can continue to be her lao pa, and care for her like the way I used to.

I do not hope for anything to happen. I just wanna spend time with her, enjoy her company, just like the way before. But now, I just cannot do it anymore. i need to protect myself....

i really wanna shout out that i miss her, but i cannot.

2006-10-16T05:58:00.000+08:00

have you find yourself is a situation where your mind tell you to go this way, and your heart tell you to go the other way.

i chose to follow my heart this time, against the advice from you people.

yeap, i turned soft again. seeing her want to go so badly, i gave in.

will it be the right choice?

guess only time will tell.

anyway like what yan said, be it heart or mind, just be prepared to face the consequences when you made your decision. i hope i am prepared.

which will you choose to follow? heart or mind?

2006-10-02T04:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever feel helpless when you see the one you love and care about so unhappy and yet you cannot do anything to make her happy?

Cos you are not the one who really matters.

I felt lousy
I saw you tear
Yet I can only offer a shoulder
I know whatever I do
Does not matter actually
Cos only he can make you smile
Only he can give you the happiness you wanted
Not me
And never will be me
I live with a mask too
Cos I do not want to make a mistake anymore
And I choose to be indifferent
Maybe I have already failed
But I will still live with this mask
Cos I know
It will never be possible
All I want is to see the return of the old you
That joyful girl
with that lovely smile
Be strong girl
Time will heal everything
I am sure of it
Just remember
Boing Boing will always behind you
To bounce you back when you fall
If you ever need a bounce
Just turn around

2006-09-24T12:52:00.000+08:00

上梢的黑月牙
白色的竹篱笆
好想告诉我的她
这里像幅画

去年的圣诞卡
记忆在你的芜杂
画面开始没有她
我还在装傻

说好为我跑挖草
学习摆弄它
学生宿舍空荡荡的角
守着电话却等不到她

心里的雨倾盆的下
也沾不湿她的发
本应该明显跟上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差

心里的雨倾盆的下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝芽
也冷却了我手中的鲜花

Came back from night cycling not long ago. Had a pretty good night but body is aching now. Sore butts, blisters and 1 v stiff and swollen toe.

Was sleeping till I suddenly dreamt of something which sparked a thread of thoughts. Woke up to this song playing on my PC. Was it the song or was it the dream that woke me up?

I made a decision to be indifferent.

2006-09-23T01:51:00.000+08:00

played soccer with the NTU and CSS guys today...was pleasantly surprised at the turnout. 26 people actually came down...piangz...seldom c so many ppl turned up for soccer. Anyway soccer was pretty alrite thou i think i sux..not enjoying the way i used to enjoy.

evening was spoilt by an idiot bus driver. our ball flew over the fence and hit the roof of a private bus parked at the bus stop below. alrite, our bad and so we went to apologise to the driver, and the driver started to kaopeh kaobu..fucking us for kicking the ball over the fence and passed many sarcastic remarks about us, saying we should know better than to kick the ball over the fence and what if we break his window etc etc.
Hello? If i am that good at controlling the soccer ball..i think i will be playing with Ronaldinho liao, and pls if you do not want your precious bus get hit by a ball, then dun park your bus under the a row of basketball and soccer courts, for goodness sake. And IT IS NOT A PARKING LOT in the first place, it is a SBS bus stop bay. ASSHOLE..

You complained us about our lousy attitude, but who is the one who started to bark like a dog? We tried to apologise in a nice way, but you took our politeness for granted. If not for my friends who tried to defuse the situation by letting you ranting at us, i will fuck you upside down. I did not say a word cos I know once I open my mouth, the situation will explode. And I do not want to make things ugly for my friends who were trying their best to settle the whole episode. I was really trying to control myself...and thank god for Raphael and Jackson for being there.
I dunno what happened to me. I used to be v cool in such situation and be the peacekeeper. But recently I get irritated v easily, and thus lost my temper.
Has Benjing gone crazy?

And you, that idiotic moron, I hope you heard my comment about you barking like a dog. I am no angel, but at least I know what is called being reasonable.

finally...

2006-09-06T01:58:00.000+08:00

after 2 weeks of thinking..i finally remember my password loh..so here i am..

i am back..back in sg for a month already...hmm but this month seem to be such a long period of time. having a rollercoaster of emotions...

ya i'm unhappy but dun ask me why cos i oso dunno why

just leave me alone ba.

2006-02-06T02:00:00.000+08:00

tomorrow at this time, i guess i will be somewhere over South China Sea? tonight is the last night before i leave for Beijing, and it is raining now. Cool, make the night even more beautiful for me.

been meeting up with lots of people before i leave. Met up with Igualans for dinner @ Marina Sq just now, thanks sam for organsing the dinner. A pity that not all can turn up for the dinner, else i think it will be great. Long time since Igualans sat down in full strength for a meal. Anyway played pool with chilli after dinner, sigh..sadly lost to him. A waste of my money....haha

CV had its annual reunion dinner @ Swisstotel Merchant Court on Sat. Prior to that, we had our lou hei at CSS ( void deck). Was really glad to see quite a no of newcomers, Alison Flora Kenneth Dewei. Hopefully Yilin Weitzer and Qinlei can join the choir as well, then it will b really great. CV is moving into our 3rd year v soon, really happy tt everyone is still ard, and tt the choir is moving forwards. Jia you guys for the concert, BE CONFIDENT COS I'VE FAITH IN EVERYONE OF YOU GUYS....

Had dinner with her on Friday night. Great evening and I'm thankful for everything, esp that it din rain. I was pretty worried tt it will rain tt night, and we wun be able to have dinner by the beach. Anyway everything was good, and i guess like what yan said, 1 sec is forever 1 sec, it is a matter of how i wanna live that 1 sec. Let's hope tt i will live my every 1 sec happily and positively. I will try, i promise. And hope she will take good care of herself andthat she will stay happy too. Time will give me an answer...

Adios my frens, I shall post again when I manage to get my internet connection.

Stay tuned, for Benjing will be in Beijing...

2006-02-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

oh so CNY is kinda over...somehow when we grow older, CNY holds less sigficance to us. I still rem that as a kid, CNY is a very big occasion for me. Not just because of the ang pows that I gonna receive. But it was the usually an annual affair when I could meet up with many cousins, relatives' children and catch up with them. I remembered going to many places to bai nian and had fun. But somehow, now CNY is less joyous. Spare for the core group of immediate relatives, I din manage to visit any other relatives. I guess all the small kids have grown up and have their own circle of lives. Anyway CNY is quite a boring affair for me, cept the SA gang's annual gambling session. Haha...

I can count the no of days I have left in Singapore with just a hand already. Will I survive, will I not...haha...given my anti social nature, guys pray for me...

2006-01-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

This week has been really touching for me. Really touched by many of the people around me, especially at a time when I was not in a v upbeat mood. Really wanna thanks alot of people..

Thanks NAF people, for the farewell party and the very personal gift. Thanks for the help throughtout the opening carnival. All the bests for the v-day carnival and closing.

Thanks Yiting, Flo, Jac and Bren , for celebrating my birthday at Farmart. Great to see you guys, given that we seldom have time to meet up. Esp my little sis - Yiting, thanks for everything.

Thanks Cindy, for remembering my birthday and the cute mug
Thanks Yuxian, Yi En, Zhenjia and Sok Ching, for the dinner last night at Cafe Cartel and the wallet. Haha I will definitely use it from now on...
Thanks Qiujie, for the present.

Thanks CV kias - for always there and listen to my blabbering and nonsense on MSN whenever I am down. Work hard towards the concert k? We will make it even a bigger success.

Thanks all my friends, who been there for me whenever I need to let out my fustrations, everyone who messaged me. Thank you.

And of course, My IGUALANS!~. Thanks guys for being there all the times. And not forgetting the surprise last night at my void deck. It is the best present that I have received, really I am really caught unaware and touched. I know many of u guys aren't having a smooth time at the moment, yet you guys still took the effort to give me such a surprise. I dunno what I can say, Thanks..really thanks. I am sorry that I might neglected most of you guys recently, but let's move into the new lunar year happily k? It's our year, time to rocks..

Lastly, thanks for everything u haf done. for organising the farewell, for willing to listen to me when I wanna tok, for the msg tis morning. To you, it is just a simple bdae wish. To me, it meant everything for this birthday. Thank you.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!
GONG XI FA CAI!!~

2006-01-25T18:02:00.000+08:00

today i learnt the meaning of be happy with small little things....

shujun brought up a good point yesterday....sometimes we r too obsessed in having things our own way, that we actually forgot to appreciate what we already have in our hands. How many times have we take things for granted...i guess we will only appreciate this point when something bad happened in our lives..

anyway today, i realised that sometimes small little things are enough to keep me happy and i shall not be to particular abt certain things. I must learn to look things from a different perspective, maybe i will be happier that way...

2006-01-25T15:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it is amazing that how small little actions can brighten up one's day.

As mentioned in my earlier post, I wasn't looking forward to the NAF meeting as I expect a tense evaluation session. However to my surprise, everybody managed to keep a cool head and evaluated in a calm and systematic manner. That's pretty great as I think in a way, everybody realised the importance of working together and communicating effectively. In addition, the guys always threw a farewell party for me, and I was really very touched by it. Din expect it at all, especially given the tense week we had earlier. But it was really nice of them. However what touched me most is one of the presents that they gave me - a photo album with little cards that each of them wrote for me. It was really a personal and nice gesture which somehow brighten my day. Looking back, we started out as strangers and now we have all become friends. Kinda feel sad tt just when we r getting to know each other betta, I hafta leave. Anyway all the bests NAF for the 2nd and final lap. Looking forward to news from u guys. Also like to thanks Cindy for the lovely mug...keep in contact k..by the way do take the opportunity when it's here...i think it will be an experience for you..

I read shujun and song's entries on CV, and I hafta agreed with shujun. Neva did I expect that a simple acquantaince with the alumni choir will develop into such an important part of my life. I have made so many great friends, did things that i nv tot i will do, and saturdays are now always reserved for CV. Keep it going CV, being in it is one of the proudest thing i've ever done.
Kinda disappointed that Nelson isn't pleased with CV, but i guess that is expected. Really hope that he will not be unhappy with us for long, and I hope tat he will be able to attend our concert in Aug. In fact, I hope that all of the mentors to CV will be able to attend our concert this yr. Mrs Ong, Thomas, Nelson. Ferdi and the rest. Cos i think without them, most of the CV kias wun stick to singing, or wun even get a chance to experience choral singing. In a way, CV may not even exist if not for their guidance and support in the early years. Hopefully, they will attend...

2006-01-23T16:48:00.000+08:00

these days have not been the greatest days of all...and i can see that it is not just me who is feeling the blues, and i know nothing that i can say help, cos only words from the person that matters can cure the blues. but still, let's go through the grey period together strongly..i'm sure we will make it...i am v sure..

currently rotting in the school pc lab, waiting for tonight's meeting at 7.30. In a way, i am not looking forward to the meeting at all. I know it is going to be an explosive and tiring session, given the unhappiness generated during last week's event. And i am so bloody sick and tired of trying to resolve such human relations problems. Why can't everybody work with each other amicably, why cannot some people accept other criticism or comments? i am just so tired...Furthermore, she will be there and i dunno whether to be happy or sad to see her. Ya, i promised her to be positive and be happy, but i really cannot do that. Everyday i woke up with a heavy feeling, i just cannot motivate myself to do work, to move on. I will just stone and sleep all day long...Why it is so hard to let go.
I will be leaving soon, din realise that i am only 2 weeks away from departure, and somehow i am not very happy. I think i cannot bear to leave the ppl here, it seem like that alot of things can happen in 6 mths, and i dunno what will happen. Being a pessimistic person, I am not thinking of the good things either.

Someone mentioned that I need to get rid of the demons in my heart and learn to trust again. But how? I also want to go n trust a person wholly again, and maybe then i will be happier, but i just cannot do that. I just cannot wholly trust anyone ard me, not my family, not igualans, and not even her whom i tot i love so much...i am skeptical abt everything that happens ard me, everything that has been said to me. And i agree that my life is darker becos of this.
If there is any remedy for curing skeptism or to regain trust in human relations again, please let me know k? i will be most willing to be the guinea pig..

2006-01-19T20:20:00.000+08:00

finally the long week is about to be over....

Finally finished with Nanyang Arts Fest opening, at least for the opening performances. It've been an experience organising the event, and i think i learnt alot of things, esp in managing human relations. Really feeling dead tired, spending so many late nights in school preparing for the opening. i think i haben spoke to my parents for a week....Overall i think it've been a pretty successful opening, actually looking forward to the v-day carnival, but sadly that i will not be in singapore by then anymore.

A couple of things happened this week too, in a way i thought it wun affect me that much. But i guess some things are really harder than what i thought. Maybe due to fatigue and occupation with the prepations, I din really feel much initally. But when i was resting just now, i just feel all the emotions pouring in. I really do not know how to move on, or what to do...In a way, I am overwhelmed with a combination of emotions. And i haf to act nonchalant about it, i haf to remain happy in front of her so that she wun feel bad...i haf to be happy in front of the rest of committee so that i dun affect their mood, i haf to act happy in front of my friends cos i dun want to talk much abt it..but it is really suffocating me, and here is only where i can just let it all out....

Seriously, i duno how to look towards my Beijing stint. In a way, I cannot bear the people and the activities here. But then i think the stint will maybe give me an opportunity to get away from here, to get over my unhappiness.... To try and redjust myself and give myself some time ponder over my life. Probably to find a new direction, a new mindset and a new benjing. And maybe.....maybe

I will feel happier in Beijing than here..

Sometimes all i wants is just someone to be my side, to share her life with me, to share my life with her..

Is that such a difficult wish?

2006-01-13T04:09:00.000+08:00

Yet another late night...the past week has been a real cracker. Baically everyday I'm in school rushing my work for the Nanyang Arts Fest. I think the number of times I go to school this month already exceed the no of times I went school last sem. If only I am that hardworking in my books.

NAF is gonna kick off next week, months of hard work finally gonna paid off ( hopefully). It has been an experience working with the committee. Of cos there are some unpleasant experiences, but overall I think it have been an experience dealing with different kind of people. Anyway here's some of my publicity materials,

Dunno why i cannot load my poster...darnz..shall load it some other time then. Hope that next week carnival will turn out fine....

Sometimes I just feel that i can shout out my inner feelings. But often, I cannot. No matter how strongly I may feel, i still have to act nonchalant about it. Why things just cannot be straightfoward and clear cut or is it that i just do not dare to express them.

There's voice in my head, telling me that things will nv work out the way i hope them to be, but i still cannot help falling in it. Can someone wake me up? Can someone stop me from being a fool again.

每一次和你分开

深深的被你打败

每一次放弃你的温柔

痛苦难以释怀

每一次和你分开

每一次kiss you Goodbye

爱情的滋味此刻

我终于最明白

终于最明白

2006-01-03T03:04:00.000+08:00

so 2005 had just passed me by....guess is time for me to do some reflections..

looking back, many things have happened in 2005, in one way and another, i think i have changed, and certain my life as well. I guess the best thing that had happened to me in 2005, gotta be my stint with Common.Voices. Other making new friends, I think being the president taught me quite a few things. Although i'm not sure whether I've done a good job, i certainly treasured every moment of it. Ya, certainly is fustrating at time, managing the choir, handling the PR, blah blah blah. But the times we spent practising, the times we spent outside choir, and the times during our performance simply made up for any fustrating or unhappy moment. Looking at CV grows day by day, there is just a kind of unspeakable proud feeling.

However the thing I regret most is that I have spent less time with the Igualans. No doubt, I've not spent enough time to care and concern abt them, and our busy lives do not help alot. Really wish that we could meet up more often and talk more.

Anyway as most of you guys shd noe, I will leaving for Beijing for IA soon. I somehow got mixed feelings abt it. Much as I am excited abt the stint, I think I gonna miss everyone here. Dad, Mum, Bro, Igualans, CV, the SA gang and the rest. Not sure how things will be like, when I come back. I think I will feel lonely, especially I am going there together with ppl that I do not know. But I really relish the challenge, hoping that I can really survive and do well in a foreign land alone.
Alrite, enough of crap...here some photos taken during CV's xmas carolling. Really grateful for all the hard work put in the guys. Thanks CV kias...

COMMON.VOICES @ GOODWOOD PARK

2005-12-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

trying to fall asleep for 1 hr, decided to just come here and blog...anyway been a while since i last blogged. Not that I dun have anything to blog, but i think i am just plain lazy..haha

holidays been pretty hectic, but in a way it seem to fly past me pretty quickly. so far hols been good, managed to do quite a number of things...anyway as usual the lazy me will just let the following photos do the talking.....

CV @ The Bach X'Mas Concert

the cv performers

us again

cv kias (performers + supporters "jiajia n nana")

cv + reuben + peixin

CV @ Zhengjie's Birthday

the cv kias again (the day chilli fly aeroplane)

crazy ppl after the dinner

NIGHT CYCLING @ECP....TO CHANGI

the cycling rangers (song sacrified to be the photographer again..)

us and clones...

the finishing line.....

Not forgetting there's song bdae, outing with NAF peeps @ sentosa, my mahjong sessions, my soccer sessions, the ISG games, blah blah....holidays just nv seem as sian as term time..haha

however this week has not been good so far, guess fustrated due to couple factors. unable to find a temp job + delay over allocation of company for IA + going broke + the fact that i think i digging my own grave again..sighz...anyway the week is coming to an end...hope that next week will be a better week....

adios...

我的天空今天有点灰, 我的心是个落叶的季节

2005-12-06T01:09:00.000+08:00

a week of holidays had passed....

exams are finally over, just so relieved that i'm not going to face exams for at least a year..life after exams has been pretty. In fact i dun think i have any rest ever since my last paper. Inter-School Games, the Bach concert, NAF, carol practices etc etc...not forgetting my first ever participation the Standard Chartered Marathon. Though i only ran ( and walked) 10k...it was an experience. To some of you ppl, 10k may seem nothing, but for me, it is tiring to lug 90+ kg of mass for 10km, especially without any training, and yes I GOT RUN...

sometimes i wonder if there is any purpose in blogging here, sometimes i wish to jot down some private feelings here, but i just dun feel comfortable writing them down here, cos i want them to be just private....anyway i guess i shall keep those feelings and thoughts to myself.

2005-11-23T03:17:00.000+08:00

For the second night in a row, it rains at such late hours...such moments make the staying up the entire night worthwhile. Simply a great pleasure to be able to work or relax in such quiet, cool and cosy time. Somehow it just make studying for exams much more enjoyable than it ought to be...

Today did something which i nv expect myself to do during so many years of schooling. But in a way, i have to do it else things wun turn out well. Not that this current situation is good, but i guess it is the best alternative. Lesson learnt, and hopefully not repeated next year.

Just 3 more days, hang on benjing..the long wait is gonna be over. Like what a friend said, I can see the light already. Just give all u have for the last stretch...

2005-11-21T16:42:00.000+08:00

in all my 17 years of education, i have neva feel so helpless before...

i simply dun understand every single thing i study...and i am only 17 hrs from my paper....

ya i deserved it for not paying any much concern abt this module..but i just feel low...really low...

2005-11-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

my world just turned grey after EE3012 today....

i cannot believe i made so many careless mistakes in this paper..seriously i felt i can do this paper well...but now....

i am just so screwed....

2005-11-17T12:26:00.000+08:00

wow..2 weeks have passed just like that and i can see the finishing line already. 1 more week and I will be free from exams for 1 more year. SHIOK~

took 3 papers already so far, microprocessor and electromagnetics were pretty okie, i suppose. Think I will not fail, hopefully I can get pass my D-syndrome from last sem. Actually if not for careless mistakes, i can actually hope for B. but...sigh...

Socio paper was blurry. Spent only 1 day studying for the paper and I din have a good sleep before the paper. The entire exam was like a daze, dunno what the heck i am writing. 2 40-marks essays - Hand ache. Seriously i think i wrote too much crap and too little analysis. Pray that J Lo will be smoked...

after tomorrow's paper, come the nightmare stretch. 3 papers in 5 days. What way to finish my exams. Actually it is not that scary, but for the fact that I am totally clueless for one of the modules. I seriously contemplating giving it up this sem. I dun wanna spend too much time on it at the expense of the other paper. Cos....this module is a killer. I see ppl spending weeks on it and still dun understand. I dun believe i can do it in 3 days. Anyway shall decide after tomorrow's paper.

Holidays - stop running, i can see you...HAHAHAHA

2005-11-05T01:58:00.000+08:00

it din rain tonight...at least not yet..

the past few nights had been raining, and i simply enjoyed every moment of it....i can only concentrate at late hours, like now. I just simply enjoy the serendity and coldness of the night.

2 more days to go...stress is slowly creeping into me and i start to feeling the heat and anxiety. I cannot afford to fail this semester, and it is getting to my mind every now and then. Sighz... how i wish i can just sleep the life away and dun bother about this and that...yan mentioned that how he wished to go back to our younger days, where there are lesser responsiblities and worries. I wish so too...And it doesn't help that i got an irritating running nose to acc me through the revision. Spent much of last 2 days sleeping and that makes me panicked even more...Am i gonna finish my rev on time.. I fret not..

Met yan jenn sam and QQ for dinner on tues, it has been so long since we got together n haf a decent meal. Thinking back, as 2005 is coming to an end, i realised that igualans only got together in full strength once in the whole year. And that is during our 10th yr anniversary which is on 2nd jan. God..the past whole yr, we nv get together for even a meal again..Sometimes i wonder is this the sign of things to come? And ya..sam chilli n yan..sorrie for the late delivery of presents - i will get them done when my papers r over k? sorrie....

On a side note, I got my application for the China trip scholarship approved. So most prob i wil be going to China in Feb for IA. Strangely, i dun feel too much about it. It came with mixed feelings and now i feel even more stressed. If i screw up my exams this sem, this golden opportunity will fly away....Someone pls pray for me....

2005-10-22T02:49:00.000+08:00

finally a tiring week is over... i shall sleep well tonight, without worryin about tomorrow...hahaha

i feel really exhausted throughout the week, not really sure what really causes the fatigue, now just feel like slack completely for just one whole day...but guess i just dun have the luxury now..

had choir practice just now, was feeling pretty down and fustrated throughout the day, as i know only 5 ppl will be turning up for practice. Much as I understand that now is the exam period n studies must take the front seat, i am just cannot help to feel fustrated and disappointed. Sometime i wish i can just dump everything down n dun turn up for practices, i felt tired and burnt out too..but i just cannot bring myself to do it. I just cannot get rid of the obligation to turn up, maybe to me, 2 hrs of practice does not mean much time wasted too. Anyway the practice was much better than what i expected. I always worried when attendance is poor. Who will be in the mood to practise when there are so few ppl ard.. even i have probs motivating myself. Lucky today was pretty alrite, thou i know most of them will prefer not to have practice. I am kinda worried abt the attendance, cos i know it will continue to be poor when the exams r nearer. Haiz...

Someone mentioned that I seem to be spend most of my time on other commitments other the studies. It seem studies is my secondary commitment now. I gotta admitted that is true, in a way it does worry me now. I know that with the choir, alumni and NAF commitments, my studies gonna suffer, but that is the challenge that i throw to myself in the beginning of the semester. That i can manage my time well and maintain the priorities right. Let's hope i dun fall flat on my face when dec comes...let's just hope

2005-10-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

brain dead

been studying microprocessors for the past few days, and i just cannot digest anymore. Studying for tomorrow's quiz is just like studying for the exam, only two tutorials' difference...absolutely saturated. Dun even noe whether i have successfully disgested everything needed. Heard that the test is not going to be difficult...So i shall pray hard...on the brighter side, at least i more or less covered 1 module..woots..6 more to go...

Oh yah..pls dun rain anymore..it's making me sleepy..

i just want to sleep..sleep..sleep..

2005-10-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

i always hate it when this part of the semester is here...ya i am here grumbling again cos exams r coming...

i shd have been well drilled and feeling indifferent by now, after all i have been taking exams since the days when Sesame Street was the "in" thing. But i am not, i am always feel stressed, fustrated, depressed whenever exams r here...maybe cos that's what all slackers will feel......

i just dun like exams, i just dun like to learn so that i can go take exams and score well....i just dun like..

another lazy and hot sunday afternoon, trying to read my microprocessor notes...actually it is not that difficult, hopefully i can get some work done today. And i still have not done my proposal which is due tonight..haiz...sianz...absolutely in no mood to do.

yest's practice with collibris and TP was pretty good, much betta than i expected. have been a while since i last sang in a big choir. and yest practice really brought back the memories of the times in CSS Choir. Let's hope the performance will be a success....

I nv tot that I will ever get lost in Singapore, but i did get lost last night, in Marina Sq.. the place just looks so different from the last time i been there. It has changed completely and i spent a good 15 minutes last night, trying to get out of the building. Its structure is so unfriendly - so enclosed, so little direction signs, and all exit signs point to staircase landings... -_-"

i must study study study study...

STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-08T04:15:00.000+08:00

somehow time seems to go passed much faster these days, i am now just 3 weeks more to exams..

someone pls kick my butt and get me going....history repeating itself...

2005-09-26T18:04:00.000+08:00

either i am getting old, or i am getting fatter

alrite, i am getting fatter

ah bui can run no more....

2005-09-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

a busy week has finally come to an end. Felt so relieved after the integrated electronics quiz today, finally can have a bit of breather and just relax. Been really a busy week....

Feeling pretty bored now, no programme on a friday = ABSOLUTE BOREDOM...there's no one online to chat with too..hai..felt so sian...maybe i shd just go sleep...

bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored Bored BOred BORed BOREd.....BORED!!!!!!

2005-09-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

rarely have the chance to sit n relax at home at this hour. the past week has been kinda hectic, with the revision for quizzies, meetings n work for the NAF, and choir.

there have been many changes in the NAF plan, and i guess it starts to get on to my nerves. It just feel so unmotivating and fustrated working on a plan that is filled with uncertainty. Guess that what happens when you dun have the funding...shucks...

been neglecting abit on CV, haben been really dealing with the administrative issues...must really get down to it this week and settle the bangkok trip, gown issue as well as the recruitment drive. Practice was pretty good last night cept for a small hiccup towards the end. An irritating security guard + requested additional run of practice = disaster...

talked abit with jenn on the issue of relationships last week, realised both of us are so resistant to falling in love now. For me, i guess it is more of the fear of going through the turbulence of feelings when i fall in love once again. furthermore i just dun have that kind of faith in true love or whatever bullshit anymore...i just have that barrier now..but then again, i guess i am well known for digging my grave..so will nv guess what will happen next..

still got loads of work to do...how i wish i can just sleep sleep sleep... oh yah i dreamt of something weird, i dreamt of many ppl whom i nv see for a long time, i dreamt for 2 hrs continually, i dreamt tt i got hacked bu gangsters, and i dreamt tt even when i got hacked, i still got plans for MJ and soccer....weird hor

2005-09-12T05:24:00.000+08:00

i guess it's high time that i blog, or else someone will mention that she already can memorise the date of my last entry.

been an eventful period over the past 2-3 weeks. Got into the Nanyang Arts Fest 06 main comm. I guess it will be an interesting experience for me, as I have never done any work related to publicity. Things got off to a pretty good start i suppose so far, hope that I wun disappoint my fellow mates. Do watch out for my publicity campagin..gonna be a nation wide event if my budget permits...

Common.voices practices have been great recently, i admitted that i lost a bit of motivation in the last few mths, somehow i dun feel motivated to push myself towards the practices, but as we worked on the bach pieces, i began to look forward to the concert actually. I think it will be a cool experience, as we will be singing as a part of 60 member choir with string ensemble..sounds good ah..i guess so. Reuben took us for practice this weekend, and he is good..thou i felt stressful cos he emphasized alot on remembering ur part well, but yet I am someone who cannot sing alone. I juz cannot register the part, i alwiz need someone to guide me....guess gotta work on that..

I suppose I am going through a hectic period at the moment, whenever i look at my schedule next week, i realised i dun have much time to go out and relax...everyday will be sch, tuition, cca, choir, soccer etc etc...in a way i am actually enjoying it, at least my mind is being occupied and focused now.

On a more disappointing note, I will not be able to go to China, even though i had been accepted for the exchange programme. Dad mentioned that he wun be able to finance the trip and i dun tink the loan is a feasible solution over the long term. No doubt, i am totally gutted over this issue, in fact dun tink i really gotten over it. I mean, i juz feel fustrated when i see ppl betting thousands away, spending thousands to have fun, when i cannot even get that thousands to go and experience something i want to. Maybe in a way, i should have see it coming, given the financial situation my family is in. But i just wanna try...maybe yan is right..for ppl like us..we can only work towards such dreams ourseleves....

Holidays are here, which mean only one thing - MY EXAMS ARE COMING....

die die die....

2005-08-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

tired...just woke up from a short sleep. Was awaken by Dad last night at 4am..apparently he got internal bleeding in his throat. Sent him to NUH and spent a few hrs waiting for the ENT specialist to come down to hospital. In the end, i stayed at NUH till noon...lucky it is nothing serious, juz an inflammation from previous surgery. But is damn gross...seeing the blood and blood clots vomitted by him. yucks..

As a result, din went sch today, which is nothing big. But today i got evaluation for my lab and i dunno whether my prof gonna accept my reason. If not, i oso LL..zero for that lab project...not as if i nv clashed with prof before..

oh so the superstars results r out...disappointed that my fav, xinhui, din make it to the grand finals. Guess everyone is shocked by the resultd of the male category. Like my bro said, it is the biggest upset in the whole series of Superstar. Just proved one thing - talent alone wun get you far, you need a good network of contacts and PR relations too. Think that applies to many things we do in our lives. 人缘 is always a key element. But then...who can guarantee that the results are truly decided by the audience poll....=)

sometimes i wonder...issit becos i'm asking too much...or issit becos i fail to realise that ppl do have different sets of priorities. i reallyi dunno...was really disappointed with some incidents. In fact, even i got known of the incidents, i was thrown into a confused state of emotions. i dun really what i am feeling...but i'm sure disappointment is definitely one of them.

2005-08-08T17:31:00.000+08:00

Slacking my day @ home....in the midst of a long weekend..feeling bored yet no energy to do anything too..

Weekend was a hectic one...As usual had choir practice on Sat...alrite..din really have any practice...cos i went to attend the alumni meeting...Wasn't pretty pleased as most of the choir members were late...and the number of ppl coming in late is getting more by every week...addressed the choir on the issue after practice..i always hate to do such stuff cos i dowan to dampen the morale in the choir yet sometimes i juz feel the need to do so..hope ppl will listen lah...

Went to yilin birthday party after choir...Din noe that her extended family is so big loh..we got outnumbered by her relatives...haha..anyway overall the party was pretty good..crapped with the rest, played a bit of mj n cycled a bit..oh yah...zhenjia found his "mermaid"...haha..n yea..i tink she is quite cute too...jia you zhenjia..HAHA

Slept a bit at the chalet before going down to Clementi stadium for my Referee fitness test despite many asking mi not go..cos i gonna fail anyway..but i just dun like to quit w/o trying..even if i was to fail..i wanna fail in action..In the end as expected by many...i failed the test...ran only 2.25km instead of the minimum of 2.5km...felt very disappointed after the run..i dunno why..i juz feel down...and sat at the gallery, watching those who passed taking the 2nd part of the test. Yea..i expect not to do well cos i know that thou i improved my stamina a bit over the weeks, my speed has not improved at all...and i guess that showed throughout the run...i cannot open up and stride fast enough..but seriously i felt i may be able to just meet the required mark..but ya..i din in the end..serves me right...

Anyway i was told that there will be a retest - an unexpected gift cos they nv mention anything bout a retest in the course. Gonna whack for it liao la..my last chance

2005-08-03T00:07:00.000+08:00

i saw a fren cried
a fren who gave so much
yet got so little

yet all i can do
is to lend a ear to listen
and nothing else

i hope
things will improve
that the coming days will be brighter

yet when is time to let go
i hope she can do so

舍不得是个理由
但别让它成为一个借口

2005-07-31T10:53:00.000+08:00

darnz..woke up with an aching body....super tired...

played at StWilfred's field yesterday....had a really good workout...enjoyed the match even thou we lost 4-1, with the opponents scoring 3 in the last 3 minutes. Guess we juz lost the focus after conceding the 2nd goal. But overall was a really good flowing game, thou it was super tiring..The field was not as good as i expected. The pitch was kinda waterlogged as it started to pour halfway in our game. However it felt so different playing on artificial turf, the ball can be played betta and it is easier to run about....if only st Wilfred has a drainage system.

Choir was good yesterday. Started on the bach piece. Had a tough time remembering the melody. This song is super unfriendly to me cos it kinda hard to memo the tunes and melodies...urgh...sianz...hopefully it wun be a killer...we r 1/5 thru with piece..haha

Went dinner with shujun becca jiajia and yien after dinner, while waiting for zhengjie and song from their consort. Watched 7 swords after tt, long movie - 2.5 hrs i think. Overall it is reasonably good, thou it dun really worth the 10 bucks lah. Come to think of it, no movie really worth 10 bucks. Damn the cinema companies for the hike. Although i got confused with the characters in the beginning, the fighting choreography was pretty unique.

tired..rarely i can slack at home at this hour on sunday....feel so wonderful..maybe shd juz sleep through the day....shiok

2005-07-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

today is kinda interesting...had several thoughts

Sad to say, i'm still clueless about my future. "what i gonna do after i graduate, what is my preferred career path, wat are my dreams, what i hope to achieve..." At an age of 23, i shd really at least developed some general ideas...but when i look at myself in the mirror, i see a confused figure - someone who lack a direction in my life, sometimes who may not even have a dream. i often said tt i regretted alot about many things in my life over the past 23 yrs, but yet i still unable to focus myself and go about making my life more purposeful. i always admire ppl with powerful drive and goals in their lives, cos i tink they r in control of their own life choices and paths. Whereas i'm still trying to search for mine. Hopefully i can find them soon...

Friends. i mentioned before tt sometimes i feel that i simply just cannot break into some ppl's circle of life. i guess i have to realise that a friendship is built on the efforts of two parties as well as the "chemistry" factor. You may feel good about someone, wish to build a solid friendship, hoping to know him/her betta. But if your efforts are not reciprocated, it can really be one hell of a mission impossible. Friendship is all about chemistry and common grounds. You can neva be everybody's friend. I admit sometime i do really get affected by it, especially when u c ppl clicking so well together around u. i'm not someone with a big heart, i'm juz a selfish idiot. guess i just have to try and learn to accept this facet of life.

come across this song in Superstars....and i fell in love with it...dunno this song juz keep ringing on in my mind....

白键是那一年海对沙滩浪花的缱绻
黑键是和你多日不见
弹指间海岸线你的泪我的眼
模糊天边
每个人心中都有架钢琴尘封在回忆任凭我只是你的插曲
时间偶尔提起钢琴偶尔哭泣
那些零乱片段

如果爱还能再重来我期待澎湃永远在
oh 每次琴盖打开便有歌来自大海
如果爱已不存在我希望有一段精彩让回忆有所感慨

白键是现在我哀悼昨天成全你改变黑键是原谅我的原谅
好想再弹一遍
手指却只听见你的道歉

如果爱还能再重来我期待澎湃永远在
oh 每次琴盖打开便有歌来自大海
如果爱已不存在我希望有一段精彩让回忆有所感慨

如果爱已不存在我希望有一段精彩让回忆有所感慨

2005-07-22T02:25:00.000+08:00

Alright..since my holidays is coming to an end and i got nothing betta to do now...i shall post some fotos of my holidays.....ENJOY....

FUSH'S BIRTHDAY DINNER AT SAMAR....

Song, the great photographer

Fush and Peixin

Nana and QQ

And Of cOs...ME!! (cool photo rite?)

the group

trying to be funny....

the poor man

the "lucky" man

The Girls

This looks cool....

SAM'S BDAE AT LAO DI FANG....

the place...

the guys...( ang was LATE) haha

the ladies...

the gang...

the same gang....

the cake...

and not forgetting...the main man....(he's really a man..not auntie)

CSS ALUMNI CHALET...

coolest pic of all....

the photo guru with his chao recruit...

in case u dunno..this is a photo of the rainbow...

COMMON.VOICES 1st ANNIVERSARY CHALET AND DINNER

the cycling army

cv in chalet...

zhengjie the SNAG.. (special thanx to song for the special effects)

legend with his "dog"

the happy legend with his balls

last....the dinner.....

-THE END-

2005-07-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

wonder if medicine does make people more depressed...

recently feeling kinda isolated from the rest of the world. Maybe is because i've been spending bulk of my holidays basically on my own. Basically is school, work, tuition, home...barring the occasional gatherings. Somehow when i look around me, i got a feeling that i am in an isolated world of my own. Everybody is too occupied with their own worlds. Even when you try and want to share the happenings with the people around you, most prob everyone is too busy for it. is this part of growing up, where people become more and more isolated from each other, preoccupying in the worlds of their own.....

sometimes i juz wanna share the ups and downs of my everyday life with someone, juz someone to talk to...

i tink i spouting too much nonsense again...must be the medicine at work again..must be....

2005-07-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

been ages since i last blogged...guess the blogging bug is dying within me.

going through a pretty hectic period; work, tuition, referee course, choir blah blah blah...feeling really tired but i guess it've been pretty fulfilling. Pretty worried abt my referee course, fitness test is on 7 aug and i yet to begin training. dead...

lonely benjing...我的世界在哪里？

2005-06-27T15:30:00.000+08:00

common.voices is one years old loh!!!

had chalet with the cv kias at east coast over the weekend, to celebrate us turning one yrs old. Been a long time since CV has an opportunity to have time for a gathering and bonding exercise. Really glad that almost everyone turned up for the chalet even thou not for the entire 3 days of the chalet, but all, cept for joyce who has to mug for her common test, turned up either for dinner or the bbq.

Had BBQ on the first night, pretty quiet affair as most came pretty late due to their work and NS commitments. In fact initially only chilli zhengjie sok and I were BBQ-ing. Song, YiEn, Becca, Qiujie, Yingting and Fush came later. After the BBQ, we went night cycling, and it was really fun thou tiring. Think we had cycled for 40+ km, from ECP to Geylang then to Esplanade and then back to ECP. The sore hands and butt are worth it for the fun.

Spent the next day indoors, playing games and sleeping. Had a mini review session with the choir as well. Hopefully the feedback gathered can make the practices more enjoyable and enriching. The highlight of the chalet will be the anniversary dinner on the 2nd night. Kudos to song and shujun for their recce as they found this wonderful place at ECP. We had our dinner at Pasta Fresca ECP. Really like that place alot. Its open and by the seaside concept, the music and of course the ambience are all great. Thou the service wasnt great, guess the setting more or less make up for it. Really had a good time.

Looking back, the past year has been a eventful year for CV. The initial teething stages were tough, then came our first performance at CSS Gala Dinner, and of cos our first ever public concert. With us joining the CSS Alumni this year, it marked another new chapter in our story. There have been many ups n downs, but we somehow make it thru every one of them. Volume One of Common.Voices is done. Let's work towards Vol. 2...10...20...

2005-06-17T02:26:00.000+08:00

lousy day....

first i overslept and woke up late for soccer in school. Lawson's call woke me up and i tot everybody was already at the court. Rushed down in a cab as I'm the one who was tasked with bringing the ball. Only to realised that only a few had arrived upon reaching school. Wasted my money on a cab....-_-"

Then got injured during the soccer...Sik Juan accidentally elbowed my ribs while fighting for the ball. Wasn't a strong knock but it sure hurts. In fact it got worse as the game went on. Couldn't run or even walk w/o feeling the pain. Crap, think it is a recurrence of my prev rib injury. Tot i recovered fully, well guess i have not..haix...fed up

I just hate it when I got injured. Been v unlucky in the game recently, first was the ankle injury which kept me out for 2 mths, then it was the rib injury which kept me out for 1 mth, now i hurt my ribs again...urgh...fustrated man..i not that gung ho anymore, in fact i been trying to protect myself liao..yet i still got injured...haiz..worse still i feel bad when my parents have to fork out money for my treatment. Today's "elbow" cost me 63 bucks just for the medicine n plasters...how i wish i can pay on my own..but i can't..i am financially strained esp for this mth when i have no income...and after paying 300+ for my dental....broke n hurt....what a holiday....

i just wanna play football....

2005-06-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

june has been a pretty hectic month...been quite some since i has the time n mood to blog...shall do a recap on what i have been doing bah...

firstly let's talk about my DIP project, the last two weeks were pretty fun. First of all, gotta know the rest betta and the mood in the lab become more lively n fun. Secondly, we managed to get started on our project, and when there is finally work to do, guess everybody become more active and enthu..well, in the end we came in third in the overall competition..Can't really say we deserved it..dun think ours is really v good cos we din come up with the final prototype. But at least our concept was pretty good...guess tt clinched us the top 3 placing..n not forgetting our presenter, Apan. He was outstanding..composed and strong..haha..and he is so composed tt he even rebuked the judges till they dun dare to ask, with the best answer being the following

Judges: So..why did ur group come up with any final prototype?
Apan: Because Sir, since this competition is called the "Design and Innovation Project", my group sees no need in the impletation and decided focusing coming with innovative concept n design instead

what else can i say..Zai!~

Overall i guessed i had a better than expected time in my DIP lab..the ppl in there are all v frenly and not selfish or aloof...most impt they are all pretty fun ppl too..even those foreigners...Not forgetting the time we spent playing warcraft in the lab..haha..

After the DIP..finally have some time to concentrate on Common Voices. Just returned from the Alumni Chalet and i'm glad everything went on smoothly and happy to see the CV kias actively participated in the BBQ session. CV is coming to its first year in 2 weeks' time, and come to think about it. i already been its president for nearly half a yr liao. Looking back on the past 4-5 mths, I'm not sure whether i have bring the choir forward. During the past 5 mths, the choir has been experiencing a lull period, as well as a period of ups n downs. Have we grow stronger and have we come to a standstill? I'm not sure too. I know I'm not the best leader around, but I hope I have done enough to keep CV moving forward. I really want to see CV stay together and have our 10th, 20th and many birthday celebrations..It's not going to be easy, but i really wanna see it going on n on...

2005-05-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

results r out today..as expected...this is my worst ever sem...seriously when i got the results, i dunno whether to be happy or sad. Happy cos i neva failed. Sad cos this set of results is almost second to failing. But i wun complain about my results cause i think it is a true reflection of the effort i put in this sem. There is no doubt that i slackened alot this sem, u can count the number of times i went sch per week with just three fingers and i tink u will still find the fingers too many. I just felt disappointed with myself and sometimes when u c ppl ard u doing so well....u just feel why cannot u be like tt and work hard..anyway is the same old story each sem...

life online is kinda boring these days...hate to admit..but i missed that idiot in US...recently find it real hard to keep up any conversation with anyone...seem everyone is occupied with their own stuff to talk to me..wonder why i so free when others r so busy...haha

sometimes i just hope to have someone whom i can really share my joy n sorrow with..someone who can understand me but sad to say..so far there is still no such person...

我的故事也许比较特别
走过的路也许比较迂回
黑暗之中全凭着直觉
keep my faith watch my steps
一步步靠直觉
也许有天生命中会出现那一个谁走进我的心里面
他不必是个ms perfect 只要他善良体贴
be my friend and my soul mate

我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁不急在眼前 i can wait i will pray
我等的人会是谁何时才出现陪着我一天一点让生命能变得更美

2005-05-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

super black day for me...

worst nightmare had come true...milan lost the final to liverpool....somemore after leading 3-0. This is totally unforgiven given the experience of Milan players, they should have closed the game down yet this is the 3rd consecutive time they let a lead lost n it had cost them the season.

The feeling is just so depressing and devasated.. Worst than Arsenal losing to Chelsea in the EPL....maybe cos deep inside i dowan to live in the joy of pool supporters, knowing that there r so many pool fans ard me. And i know they will rub it in....I hate that kind of feeling, and cannot stand that they are celebrating like they have an INCREDIBLE season when they had only won the Champ League and start putting other teams down....I believe in being graceful champions and hopefully Liverpool wun become another Man Utd in my life...

Anyway kudos to Pool...they won coz they neva give up and i am glad Dudek is the hero...cos I feel he, together with Jens Lehnman and Tim Howard have all been over critisized this season.

Shame on Milan..the way u all cracked under pressure is totally disgraceful...But i will still support u all...

I guess i will take some time to recover liao...

2005-05-16T17:32:00.000+08:00

another not-so-productive day in the lab. Woke up at 8 today..but was feeling really tired therefore decided to go to lab later then. Finally managed to drag my weary body to the lab at noon. tried installing another new webcam today, but still it din really work. Had problems with the path directory, but shd be able to solve the problem when the technician is back tomolo, at least this webcam din hang on us...

Prof Tan came in the afternoon, tok some unconstructive crap n left. Bottomline of today;s meeting : "DO NOT BOTHER PROF WITH YOUR SMALL PROBS" Seriously I hate it when people keep on providing negative comments, while unable to come up with any constructive ideas, especially when u r a leader, mentor. Ya, i know certain things are not good, not feasible enough, but as a leader or mentor, you got that responsibility to guide and lead, to try n make the best of something. Dislike this Prof Tan's attitude from day one. Keep on putting us down, comparing us with his "oh so great" research students, blaming us for not trying hard enough when we approached him with problems. Much as I appreciate him for wanting us to learn n solve problems ourselves, pls only critisize when u haf some constructive comments, if u juz wanna provide negative comments for the sake of putting us down, then fuck off...seriously just fuck off..n for god's sake, pls communicate with Prof Chua, how to work when both of us give constrasting ideas and guidelines. They just further proved my impression of NTU Engin profs - they dun give a hoot bout teaching.

Weekend had been a good cept that my soccer match was cancelled...toopid rain...thou i can sleep more but i miss playing matches. Choir pract was a good one, finally we got down to some decent vocal practices. Attendance was really good esp when you see ppl like Zhenjia, Qiujie and Yingting rushing down despite their NS or work commitments. And of coz Sok who rushed down too from her babysitting duties..haha...and not forgetting NaNa!! Sorry for making you rush down in a cab..really sorrie...Been a long time since i enjoyed my choir practices..hope it is not an one off thing...n oh yah CV has a new member - Rebecca , from the 2001 batch. Welcome...

Met up with Yan QQ Jenn YiEn Shu'e and Sam for KTV at Partyworld Orchard on Sunday. Kinda disappointed tt we din go to Ubin but then is okie..coz the main idea to go out with Yan before he leaves for US. Gonna miss him..hmm i tink i will la...hahahaha...Think this holiday v sian...many ppl going overseas....gonna be lonely...

Bye Yan...dun forget to get some leaves or soil from the National Park back ....

2005-05-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

what a way to end my happy day.....

was happy today coz i got to play soccer despite that it actually rained the entire afternoon, coz the rain stopped just in time for me to play soccer and not make my waiting in school a fruitless one...

but tonight i know i will go sleeping in a miserable mood...pissed? sad? disappointed? i guess a bit of each....and is because of a lie i said...i nv meant it to be a lie..is just another of my crappy jokes..but guess things just dun turn out the way i meant to be..

i dun noe why u reacted so strongly..i dun understand..but i'm not going to say i'm not wrong...cos i noe i am in a way..maybe u r right...any lie is wrong...even when it is just a harmless joke...but i also wanna let u noe..the way u reacted....it hurt mi too....

2005-05-10T02:36:00.000+08:00

is late at night le...yet i still having problem falling asleep...guess my bio clock has been permanently tuned to fall asleep only after 4am...

holidays have started, yet it does not really feel like it..okays at least there isn't the dreaded stress of tackling examination papers, and no tests, no tutorials, not lectures for the next 3 months (come to tink bout it, it's heaven now haha)... but then still need to go back sch almost everyday, at least till 8 Jun due to this wonderful module called "Design n Innovation Project"... I managed to get what i chose for this module - Enhanced Homeland Security Intelligence Surveillance System" - I chose it coz i tot i can learn something useful like how intelligence surveillance systems work and how to design n implement such a system. But after 3 days, all i told to do is to brain storm ideas....actually it is not that bad...at least my prof is not some strict and inflexible fella but then it will be great that i can learn more....hopefully will be able to learn something real soon...or else i jus haf to go sch n surf net everyday...oh ya i tink about it...most prob i will resume my driving lessons this holidays ..long overdue le..sianz my adv theory expired liao...need to take again..yucks..

there was another murder case today..in sengkang following the one in boon lay....i alwiz been interested in murders...not that i am some pervert murderer on the loose..but i always like to know wat make one to have that strong desire or motive to kill another person especially when you can see that most murderers are just common people walking around you n me everyday...Say the boon lay case...the murderer is actually the victim's neighbour....kinda scary right...i mean u nv noe u will just get killed by someone whom u see everyday or by juz any normal ppl walking past u...really wanna noe under wat circumstances that one have the courage to kill or even take your own lives...which pretty much explain my strong interest in homicide investigation or shows like CSI...i wanna do investigation, i wanna talk to the murderers, i wanna noe what is in their minds.....

to a fren who is going through a bad time....

不管夜有多漫长，天总究会明亮
黑夜过后，第一道阳光是为了融化你心中的霜

2005-05-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

yes..exams are finally over, after 3 weeks of torturing, i'm finally free....

been a long time since i blogged, no choice, no mood to blog whenever i got exams. Will subconsciously go into a state of depression..but now i'm back..hohoho

looking back at this sem exams, guess it will be same old story of "i could've done betta if i neva slack". It always been like this ever since i started in NTU. And i'm not being arrogant to say that if i bothered to put in juz tat bit of effort, i will have no problems scoring well...cos for every paper, i know how to do it, i know how to approach it, but juz becoz i din practice or do any tuts at all for the entire sem and i only started to study during the few daes before the paper, i alwiz end up forgetting that one formula or that one crucial step in solving the qn. Haiz...so now u may ask why i din bother study earlier then. All i can say is " i dunno". It alwiz been the same old case...beginning of sem - i will tell myself..i muz really work hard this sem...cannot let myself down...den along the way...i will lose the focus n slack liao...ill discipline? lack of concentration? juz plain laziness? i dunno..perhaps a bit of everything bah....haiz..why i'm like tat..sometimes really hate myself..for being so slack so unambitious and so not full of drive...hopefully this sem i can survive..things certainly dun look v good...

yan and i agreed that is not easy being singapore men...or rather is juz one of the responsibilties that men must shoulder when we grown up - we muz aim high n be full of drive so that we can provide our loved ones with they want. Now, relationships are not about juz plain feelings, or "you treat me so well, so i with u" that kind of thing. At our age, our relationships have that practical element attached to it. Women wun no longer be with us juz becoz we treat them well, or juz based on pure love. It is more than a matter of feelings, is a matter of what kind life we can provide for our partners. Sometimes we may be contend with what we have, but our partners may see things differently. Sound materialistic, but then that is the reality of life, and i honestly dun feel the women are wrong anyway, but perhaps sometimes there must be an understand and compromise between the two persons. Which is why i tink i am juz not suitable for a r.s yet, coz i am in no position to b able provide for my loved one at the moment....

2005-04-17T02:08:00.000+08:00

The War had begun...

Saint Fat fell at first hurdle...

dead n buried....

2005-04-10T02:38:00.000+08:00

been weeks since i last blogged... seriously now i oso dun really know what to write..no mood or inspiration at all..

been revising for exams which gonna start on next thurs... kinda worried about this sem..muz admitted been really slacking this sem esp during the later part of the sem, just simply lost the drive..so far managed to catch up on most of the modules thou i am seriously not there yet for the exams. Been particularly worried about my Digital Electronics cos till now i have absolutely no idea how to solve the questions..the concept is simply crap to me....seriously tinking of giving it up and retake next sem..haiz..dunno...i dunno..

hasn't been singing too..CV going thru a lull period...hopefully the momentum and fun will be back after the exams period..need to settle couple of issues too..most impt with the alumni...muz go n contact them real soon...

been upset by a certain event happened to a fren recently..juz felt so unjust..but then i believe it happened for a reason, a positive one..take care fren, live strongly..

2005-03-24T02:07:00.000+08:00

so glad to finish my essay finally, felt so relieved tonight....been a tiring week for me so far..worked as a facilitator on monday and wed...basically juz act as a guide for those pri sch kids over some educational trails....Monday session at S'pore River was pretty alrite...quite an experience for me..handling a group of 20 kids is no easy feat...especially when they are tired n start to get restless...watever..i managed to survive without much hassle...dun even noe the kids understand me anot..haha

today's session at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve was another experience..first and foremost the script is so much thicker than the previous..so many plants' names and characteristics to remember...and the kids this time are much harder to deal with in the sense that they are smarter and more restless...furthermore they are so easily distracted by the natural surroundings...luckily the teacher attached to my group was not v "niao"...else i sure die...

not sure will i do such facilitator jobs in future...gonna be real busy over next few weeks..not sure whether i have the time to do it...

finally got my essay done and add this up to the fact i had submitted my lab report on monday..most of the assignments are over...now is whack the books period...gonna really revise hard..this sem has high chances of tabao-ing....=(

孤单的夜晚，你想起谁？

2005-03-19T03:03:00.000+08:00

another week just flew past... been a week plus since i last blogged but then it doesn't feel tt long..weird..sometimes time juz zoomed w/o us noticing....

been a long n busy week...last weekened was great...had choir pract on sat...attendance was rather poor with only 6 ppl...fush taught us some sight reading theories..kinda interesting to me as i must admit i dun understand my scores all the time. Sok was complaining that the practice was boring n waste of her time..haha...must agreed that it can be quite sian for ppl who already had music background, but then i guess these theory lessons will do us good over long run..
Watched Howl's Moving Castle after the practice, overall the movie was great..esp the beginning part..but then it got a bit draggy and then the ending was rather abrupt..guess u can neva expect something perfect..

Played in YDG Futsal Tournament at NUS on sunday..the tourney was org by Jinhao and Frankie so just formed a team n took part...had quite some fun as we managed to play till semis...only to lost to the eventual champions..only disappointment was me sitting out of the semis due to my knee injury..luckily it wasnt serious...Met Jenn and Ivy at Holland V after the soccer...Had dinner at Al Dente, great to c these 2 girls...kinda long nv really sat down n had dinner with them....

The past week was simply full of studying, quizzes, tuition, doing assignments..in fact the week just went by so quickly..nv really realised it....haiz...expecting more of such weeks in the days ahead...the battle shall begin again...

tonight was kinda boring..feeling kinda down..dunno why also...juz one of those nights where nothing seem to please u....cannot get into the mood for anything also...Games and TV shows sux..no one seem free to chat with...work juz seem so not enticing....haiz.....maybe i shd go sleep early..No choir tomolo, kinda sian also....i missed choir singing..and like song mentioned, the momentum for CV seem to slow down..dunno whether is good or bad...but is juz inevitable, everyone is busy with their sch commitments....haiz...hope we can all get together n haf fun real soon...dowan CV to stop progressing...

2005-03-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

time: 2am

trying to do my lab report, while playing FM and waiting for Champ Lge later...i always like this part of the day...2am...n doing my work on my pc...with the mp3s playing, the sound of my old fan, the sound of occasional cars zooming past on the road outside, the gentle breeze blowing into my room, the quietness of the night..no one to disturb me, no one to irritate me, simply paradise...=)

my bro intro me to this song "吴克群", sok said this song v rude which to an extent is true..but then i just like this verse =P

我只不过想唱歌给你听
用尽我全力一首歌
只是希望能够让你动心
我只不过想唱歌给你听
就算没回应
没关系

basically described my attitude towards singing bahz..i not going to be a top singer...but den i juz wanna to do my best n sing....=)

yeah i always like tues night cos wed no classes...and tt means i can stay up v late n enjoyed my fav part of my day....shiok

2005-03-08T00:11:00.000+08:00

been ages since i last blogged.....

time really juz zoomed past us when we leasted expected....weeks juz passed me by without me ever realising...and i only 1 mth plus from my exams..super duper sian...this sem modules all seem tough...die die die...esp tink i had done badly for my quizzes....

din seem to do anything constructive last week..cept for studying for the quizzes which were simply sucky...went to sentosa with CV kias on Sat..long time nv go to sentosa liao..great to be in the sun and out on the beach...sun-tanned, played vball, soccer and ultimate frisbee..in fact only me n zhenjia been playing la..with some army guys ( one of them is guocheng or guoqing who also from css and my jc fren's bro..but i cannot recall his name..haha)...the rest was having a good time suntanning oh...haha.....

slept thru my sunday... feeling the effects of overnight MJ on fri, sentosa outing on sat and soccer match on sunday morning...add that to the late nights during e week...i guessed my body simple cannot take it anymore...i tink the no of hours i spent sleeping over e weekend surpassed the total no of hours i slept in the week....once again..old liao....cannot chiong thru late nites le...

busy weeks coming ahead...lab report, quizzes, essay...all to be done...n revision shall start really soon too....may GOD BLESS FAT....

oh yah help yan by going this url for his survey ppl...

http://www.questionpro.com/akira/TakeSurvey?id=216385

2005-02-26T14:19:00.000+08:00

saturday is here again..a week of holidays had just passed me by just like that. And did i do anything constructive? NO..nothing at all...i'm just super duper pissed with myself..why i alwiz only plan and not do anything...entire week i only gone thru my AC notes...and i haben even touch on the tutorials...so much for wanting to do well in exams, sucker..din really have a very good week, cannot really rem any day when i felt happy, up or motivated to do anything...i just felt tired, disgusted and pissed with myself..n wat the using of whining now here...

and ya, ivy told me that twinkle might be dead liao, in case you dunno who is twinkle, he is the dog i'm holding in the photo. Felt sad upon hearing it, i really like that cute dog. I nv really wanna get close to dogs, but twinkle is just so cute....but now it is missing and maybe dead..wat the fuck..so many asseholes out there oso nv c them die...why twinkle die..

cancelled the choir today, more than half of the choir cannot make it for pract, felt tt is not the best way for us to start our new "choir year". Maybe song is right, might well start the practices on a happier note, hope next week's outing will be great..i miss singing

sometimes felt tt i should really think more about myself and not about the others around me, nv tot that sometimes an act of concern may actually results differently..

牵着你在天空飞翔这样看世界不一样
有了你在身旁笑的脸庞世界或许就这么宽广
忽然就忘记了慌张人海之中你最明亮
无意间的影响渐渐扩张你丰富我生活感想

何必寻找所谓的天堂
原来我因为你
不想再去流浪
情愿平凡不拥有一切也无妨
有了你在心上依然是天堂

何必寻找所谓的天堂原来我因为你不想再去流浪
情愿平凡不拥有一切也无妨有了你在心上已经是天堂

2005-02-22T13:40:00.000+08:00

"girls are chaotic. without girls, guys' world will be too calm" how true how true...how many times had we, guys, been traumatised by the emotional bombardment from our females counterparts. If given a choice, i will choose to be a monk and steer clear of girls. "But then guys cannot do without girls", "We need girls for companionship etc etc", that is bullshit....i had lived 23 good years of my life without being the receiving end of any concern, love or companionship from any girl, and i am still alive and kicking....I am definitely not a MCP, and i have nothing against the fairer sex...But i am just perplexed about the mood swings of the girls. They can be nice at one moment and absolutely unreasonable at the other moment. And what can we do? We tried to be accomodating, forgiving etc etc and what we get in return are probably more emotional torture from them. We dun be nice to them, they said we r insensitive, neglecting, MCPs...we nice to them..they said we r too nice of a guy, no mind of our own, no principles, or they juz simply ride on our niceness to be even more unreasonable....-_-" ..i getting sick n tired in dealing with girls.....

is the 2nd day of the holidays, and i haben even get down to any serious work...be it for choir or my studies....haiz...crap crap..i simply lost my mood n motivation for anything now...

2005-02-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

finally can sat down n relax....enjoying my holidays...been a couple of real tiring days....=(

had quizzes on thurs n fri and i'm think i gonna flunk both of them...urgh....esp the fri Digital E quiz...it was a disaster..first time i see the question n totally dunno how to do...darnz...that cunning old tutor..actually i din feel so much pain coz i din really prepare for it...felt it for those who studied for the quiz..tt paper was a killer..

yest was a tiring one..hmm...CV din really start the new term on a good note..in fact we din even got started...apparently fush refused to teach coz some of the ppl were super late...haiz..wat a way for me to start as the president..juz hope things can work out in CV..i hope...anyway i tink i stop being a busybody...fuck it..

i juz hate to deal with PR...i juz wanna make sure everything is fine within the choir..i tot my sms will juz cool things off..i nv tot i will stir u up again..well...i guess i juz screwed up my man management..i not really sad..but i am disappointed....how i wish i juz mind my own business....i really dunno how to please u..e last thing i want is disharmony...i seriously pray tt it wll nv happen....

2005-02-17T03:22:00.000+08:00

time: 3.30am

darn...what am i doing here...supposed to be asleep actually cos tomolo got a quiz..but then again i tink i dun really care much about it also....cannot really understand some parts of the notes, or rather the more important ones..haiz...tink tomolo is "GOD PLS SAVE ME" liao..

the CNY feeling had more or less faded away liao bah..din even remember to bring oranges to my student's house today...so paiseh when winne's mum gave me an angpow...i din even "officially" greeted her with oranges..somehow with each year passing by, CNY is more and more insignificant and boring to me. My circle of relatives seem to getting smaller and smaller....n i'm kinda sick n tired of doing the same thing everyday...so out with the spring cleaning and buying of new clothes..juz hold no purpose to me anymore...

of coz...the special day of Feb had juz passed us by too...another day which celebrated by others, but not me...haha....call me unromantic...but to me..Vday hold no special significance to me..even when i am attached...coz to me, being with someone i love mean everyday is a Vday...everyday i shall celebrate with her n not juz on 14 feb... Anyway met up with the CV kias on Vday...had dinner at Wheelock NYDC..again..we orderd alot of food..haha...cannot finished all this time round thou..off form...some went home after dinner..while I, Sok, Song, Nana, Zhenjia, Fush and Joyce went for coffee break at Starbucks...nuahed there for quite some time n went home...oh anyway thanx Sok n Evelyn for the chocos..=)

tot alot on that night..i juz suddenly got really tired of everything...love is not supposed to be like tt..it is supposed to be about giving and receiving..i'm no saint..i need reciprocration too....and she long ago oreadi made her stand tt she cannot reciprocate...i guess i really need to recognise tat fact n move on...

finally managed to get the job scopes of the CV committee worked out...shall brief the guys on sat...really looking forward to singing again ....

从今以后
除了感动，在不会泪流

从今以后
抓住梦，不放手

从今以后
就算跌倒，拍拍灰再走

2005-02-14T03:18:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY....

may all my friends be happy and loving....

and also GONG XI FATT CHOY.......

2005-02-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

Had reunion dinner with CV on sunday at Excelsoir Hotel. We had the ala carte buffet and i guess we surely made our money worth it. The food was alrite, though the seafood dun seem to be v fresh, but overall we had a great time eating and crapping together. Think we r the only tables making so much noise in the restaurant haha. Oh yah, Common Voices can really eat man, and I dun mean the guys only. The girls are up there with us, with sok ching n joyce leading the pack..haha....

After the dinner, went to esplanade and nuah there...tok bout plans for CV...i think i shd find some time and discuss with fush regarding the plans for at least this yr. We shd haf a clear direction by end of this month on what we gonna do for this year n next year.

Last night went to Cheenatown with nana zhenjia junxian junli and vianne. First time in chinatown during the CNY period. The place was not as crowded as i tot will be. Saw the Mediacorp ppl rehearsing for tonight show, show every stall trying their v best to promote their items..quite a bubbly and lively place. Now i began to feel the CNY mood..haha..In fact the night bazaar really reminded me of my times in KL. All the stalls, the liveliness and the feeling, seemed so similar.....missed the last train home, so gonna take NR in e end...and first time my NR din stop at a single stop since i boarded it..haha...shiok..machiam taxi..juz tt a longer route only...=P

how do u explain when u fall in love with someone. How will u actually noe tat? Can that feeling be explained in words?....interesting...coz i dunno..maybe to a certain extent....

will i be in her dreams tonight....

2005-02-06T13:19:00.000+08:00

shiok...dun need to wake up early on a Sunday morning just feel so good...much as i love my laopo - soccer...i juz hate waking up so early n drag myself to matches...i luv my bed as well...=P

Yesterday was Elections Day for Common Voices. As a result, I was elected as the new president of the choir. I wun say that I am surprised tt be elected as my name been thrown before, but I just having doubts whether I can live up to the post. I may be able to do things efficiently, but then to me, being the president is another story. It's much more than performing tasks n responsiblities. It is also about how i can bring this choir to greater heights, how to bring the best from everyone, as well as to ensure the harmony and cooperation within the choir. Seriously, I dunno whether I have the ability to do, but then since I'm elected, I will try my best. This shall be my challenge and I hope it will be a valuable experience for me. Just hope people dun see me as a president, but as a friend who they can rely on. Also hope that Common Voices can really grown stronger with time. I like Song's idea of the choir...we r juz like a "Bu Dao Weng"...no matter how many obstacles we face, we shall nv fall over.

CNY coming!!!~ but i dun feel excited..any sign of old age???

2005-01-31T02:54:00.000+08:00

3am...and i am still awake..first time so relaxed bout sch on monday...coz no lab for 2 weeks..shiok simply shiok shiok..

had a wonderful weekend....

28 Jan - hmm...well this is the day i turned 23 ( and yah..i noe alot of ppl will be saying i freakingly old)....met up with the Junhong, Paul, Derrick, Weewee, Tubbie and Peter for ice cream buffet at Holland V Haagen Daz. First time ate ice cream till I felt disgusting eating ice cream..anyway it definitely worth e money..ate till shiok...derrick weewee and paul got me a TeeShirt and tubbie & peter treat me to the buffet..thanx kew u ppl...=) after ice cream buffet went to bt timah for billards cum LAN....Raphael, Weng, Da-Jie, Weijie, Zhanxiang and Adrian came down also..played till 8-9+ and went for dinner...again ate till super full...those "cook fried" were yummy...after dinner..went back to the billards cum LAN session..tink we super no life..lOlz..but then stilll was fun...thanx sa gang. Also wanna thanx moi Igualans for their present too...and of coz for wed night...great dinner guys....

29 Jan - First time sat nothing to do...coz CV taking a 2 weeks break...felt bored...so went n meet nana fush songnian n zhenjia in town..Dinner at BK n shopped ard at Raffles City before song went to meet yuxian n co...while e rest of us headed to Taka for Jam X.....e finals was pretty alrite la..some of e bands r really good..but then the results was "surprising"..tink kelong..opps..anyway ear drums nearly burst after 3 hrs of blasting loud music...next time betta sit further away from e stage peepz...after Jam X..went n meet Song Yuxian YIen and Sok at Paragon...it was Yuxian bdae btw...thanx Song n Co for the surprise CV official "ice cream bdae cake" for me Yuxian and Yien...the Jan babies....

30 Jan - Soccer day...morning had game at Tanglin..again my team only had 10 players..and again we were deflated by HT..end up lost 5-0..super sianz..hope e rest of the teammates can come asap...kinda sick of playing like tt all e time oso...lose somemore....crap...after game..went to meet nana n fush for lunch..need to pass nana the ties...end up they made me wait for nearly an hr..One was late and the other cannot come ...after lunch rushed home n napped...n then went to NTU for our CSS Team match...the opponents were pretty easy...We won 10-0 ..my first clean sheet..actually credits to the guys..they played really well..esp the way they ran n ran to support n cover...keep it up dudes....after game..rushed to JE library...for CV meeting...today meeting pretty short..but i tink it was really effective...CV gona haf some restruturing...and i tink it will be better for the functioning of the choir..we need to have some decent system to work in and then we can concentrate on acheiving our goals.....And oh yah..thanx CV for the cute present...=)

2005-01-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

overslept and missed my tutorial today..urgh...i juz hate morning classes...anyway since is my birthday so i think it's okie for me to take a break...haha

how many times had we heard ppl in ntu or nus saying..."darn those foreigners, spoilt market one", "stressed man, those foreigners damn zai" etc etc...juz make me wonder..how come these foreign students seem to be so much betta than e locals in sch? Aren't they supposed to b receiving the same education as us in sch? So what could be the reason.....are they juz more hardworking than we are? or issit that the pre uni education they received back in their country is so much betta than ours in Spore? or they juz have betta genes than us? interesting tot...haha

darnz i 'm 23....sound old....

2005-01-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

last night i finally slept so soundly..think prob i am too tired or maybe i juz feel so relieved...

Common Voices finally did it last night...our very own first concert...first time i felt so emotionally attached to a concert..this concert meant alot to me..cos it is the first time that we put up a concert all by ourselves. The concert went on quite smoothly, and i think we sounded quite alrite, the only blip probrably gotta be "Cao Yuan Qing Ge" when we started off on the wrong note..that was another first for me again..and hopefully will be the last hahaha..overall i think we managed to create the ambienece that we wanted to - a cosy and light hearted performance for our family and friends. Really wanna thanx everyone who came down. esp the IGUALANs..you guys rawks..w/o ur support....Common Voices can neva came this far...

I just felt so happy and overwhelmed last night..i really dunno how to describe that kind of feeling. I must admit the quality of our performance last night was not the best but i dun tink it matters to me that much. Cos when I reflected on the efforts every one of us put in , those long late hours practices at fush place, those meetings and gatherings at song hse, everyone's commitment despite our studies and work...I just feel so happy that we finally made this concert possible. I still rem tat just 3+ mths ago..our concert preparations were still in a mess....but somehow we just stay together n made it...When shujun broke down during the rehearsal, I realised how impt this concert really meant to us...It is a milestone in the short story of Common Voices...hopefully we can build on it and produce betta performances for ppl who supported us throughout..

been a long time since i last blogged...past few weeks had been so busy...now the concert is over..gotta get serious with my books...lagging quite a bit now..this sem is gonna be a siong one..urgh...

2005-01-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

tonight supposed to be a happy night...

is the igualans' 10th year anniversary...we had a gathering at ivy's place...ate alot of food..pizzas, beehoon, finger food, curry, yam cake etc etc..had lots of laughter over dinner...great to catch up with each other...hope there will be 20, 30, 100 yrs...ivy's dogs are all quite cute..esp Twinkle...

but the joy juz ended here tonight...

she made her decision tonight..as expected..things shall end the way i expect it..even thou i expect it and i noe it is good that the situation finally got a picture.. i juz cannot help to feel sad... guess is the best for both me n her...since it is impossible for her to reciprocrate then is good tt we move on...

tonight i shed a tear
a tear of sorrow or a tear of relief
i do not know
i am sad but i know i must be strong
cause the world is too big for me to be in sorrow

i know she will find her happiness
she definitely will
but i will be happy for her
even if i not by her side
cause i love her deeply so

2005-01-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

so 2005 is finally here....somehow doesn't feel any excitement this year, maybe it arrived with a global tragedy, with days of rain, with little celebrations. NYE was nothing interesting, in fact almost spent the whole day at home, dun really feel like celebrating or wat. In the end, met up with tubbie adrian and da-jie at holland v. Ate n drank while waiting for the new year to arrive..bumped into jac n bren too. Ha..to think i neva see them at all for the whole 2004 and to bump into them in the last hr of 2004...after the countdown, went down to geylang for supper..and juz went home. Nothing really interesting..and my 2005 had arrived.

Looking back, I'm sure ppl ard me will agree that many things changed in 2004. There've been ups and downs. Saw some of my buddies found their happiness, saw some of them got their hearts broken, saw some of them changed, i got associated with choir once again, my great stint with NY NPC, my first As in NTU, my first tuition assignment, etc etc. Nothing spectacular, nothing interesting. But i still grateful for what I experienced. Probrably the best thing that happened is meeting her again. We may not end up together but every moment spent with her is a happy n memorable one.

As i told some of my friends. With the new year, it is a brand new start, a brand new chapter in our lives, a new blank page for us to start with. There had been happy times and unhappy times. Let us cherish the happy moments and let the unhappy ones be left behind with 2004. It is not the past that matters. It is the future. Be brave and move on.

10 years of friendship....cheers

2004-12-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

the xmas spirit is still in the air...yet i juz cannot find anyreason to b joyful..been a bittersweet christmas weekend...the joy of doing little things for her to make her happy, the joy of seeing her happy receiving the gift and yet the pain when the realisation sets in that maybe nothing gonna happen at all and the helplessness of seeing frens being depressed and there's nothing you can do to make them feel better. Maybe like wat yan mentioned...too much love and no recipent..love in disarrayed fashion

26 dec - the day when people still reeling in the festive joy

26 dec - the day when some people whose lives changed by a vicious act of nature

26 dec - the day i lost myself and yet grateful for what i have.

Condolences to all whom affected by the massive natural disaster...

to my frens, i noe i has not been a good buddy...i know i been losing my cool..i know i din help u much when u need it..i juz wanna say..i'm just grateful for u all

有时候勇气来自最大的胆怯
有时候成长来自最能的表演
惊慌时的汗水感动时的眼泪
我最想与你一起畅快的干杯

有时候斗志来自分享的喜悦
有时候力量来自共同的香冰
我面对全世界也不会想后退
因为我知道我的伙伴永远在我身边

只感到我们一起走向远方的终点
在我们倒下以前让哨所有了线
失败肩并肩荣耀肩并肩
拥抱我们一起走过的一切

有时候斗志来自分享的感觉
有时候力量来自共同的香冰
我面对全世界也不会想后退
真正的伙伴就算不说感谢也能了解
只觉得我们一起冲向未知的明天
在胜利到来以前站在同一阵线
危险肩并肩机遇肩并肩
拥抱我们一起走过的一切

只觉得我们一起冲向未知的明天
在胜利到来以前站在同一阵线
危险肩并肩喜悦肩并肩
拥抱我们一起走过的一切

2004-12-25T11:44:00.000+08:00

the joy of loving n giving...

merry xmas peeps...

2004-12-19T01:34:00.000+08:00

today is the ong tai tai's farewell party....our choir had another chance to perform...well..we din really tat good...but tink our item was the liveliest one...thanx to chilli's sacrificing act...anyway had fun on a whole..great to c some of the old peng yous...thou din haf much time to chat oso....only blip will b the food..tink SAC exploited us loh...so much for 7 dollars' worth of food...i go kopitiam da bao $3 mixed rice oso betta wat they offered.....-SHAKES HEAD-

time to sell tickets liao loh..concert coming really soon..hope everybody can support COMMON VOICES...those wanna tickets can find me or chilli oh..hahaha....we may not be the best..but definitely we will entertain..=P i hope....

2004-12-15T16:51:00.000+08:00

i'm back!!~

great to be back at home..miss everyone here..my family, my frens, my PC n of coz my darling - SOCCER...my hotel only got ESPN...so din managed to catch alot of soccer there...felt so detached...

the trip was great..first time travelling overseas with the choir-kias and it was a nice experience..allowed me to know everyone a tad betta perhaps..i got to experienced Yi'En's snoring firsthand (though i took revenge by kicking him off the bed), tested Soldy's cooking ( those noodles and eggs n tea), got to know Zhengjie's knack for outdoor adventure, Zhenjia and his "Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh" thingy, how freakingly small Fush's feet are, Shujun's eye for pronounciation errors, and the shopping power of Yuxian...oh yah and the train journey..my virgin ride..n we are just so fated to travel in the train, facing the opposite direction..the only disappointment perhaps was my failure to find the Mr Da Da Bao...too bad chilli..u wun get to c Da Da Bao..

so the fun is now over..time to really focus on the Concert liao...we still not there yet i guess..first of all...Mrs Ong's farewell party this sat..tink gotta haf lots of ppl coming...muz try n do a good job....

Tonight I Gotta Watch Soccer!!!!!!

2004-12-11T03:22:00.000+08:00

i'm leaving on a toot-toot train....

2004-12-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

tired..still feeling the effects of the MJ marathon on monday night...16 hours of MJ is certainly no joke...and add tat up with 2 nights of CL football..shagged

yest finally get to play badminton le..long time nv play badminton..since last sem holidays i guess...finally got back my racket from yan..too long nv exercise...played a bit and got tired...after badminton, went to partyworld ktv wif yan QQ junie ah-zhu sam and chilli. Yest was a special day coz it was the day that Igualans been waiting for e past decade....the ever popular NUS dude - Chilli had finally organised an outing for us..after beein nuahing for almost 10 yrs...he finally decided to org an outing..hope is not his last..anyway he made Jenn sad coz he jio us go singing w/o her....haha....

today went to JB with yuxian today to get the train tickets for our KL trip tis sat...and probrably is the most "productive" JB trip tt both of us had ever made...haha...we only spent less than an hr in Msia and we r back in Spore..super crap....anyway i finally going to take a train...

tink betta sleep early tonight....feeling quite tired these days..tink my body cannot take it liao....

2004-12-05T11:26:00.000+08:00

yawn...tiring...sleepy...

juz woke up after 5 hrs of sleep...yest had been a long day...had choir pract at song hse..pract only 1 song..the energy zapping Iddem dem...but i tink altos and tenors r most the siong coz they sang the most yest...anyway e choir had a mini bdae celebration for song and zhengjie..and the choco cake was juz as its name - heavenly.

after choir, stayed back for BBQ for song's bdae...evelyn, yan, QQ, yueqi and belle came later too...quite fun la..tok cocked, ate, slacked...thou i reeked of the BBQ smell later on...(even the taxi uncle noticed that i juz been to a BBQ...) Choir going KL next week..wondering shd i join them even thou it may put a strain on my pockets..still tinking..i feel like going..coz seldom go out wif choir ppl too...guess will be fun..see how la..haiz

after e BBQ, took a cab to tubbie hse and end up kena played out man..tot gonna play overnight MJ. when i reached there, only saw them packing up the MJ..knn....end up we all went to Bukit Panjang for supper...super productive...took a cab from BP and only to end up back in BP...but then anyway supper was good..haha..long time nv eat teochew porridge..

2004-12-03T02:49:00.000+08:00

been a couple of pretty productive days for me, at least i din slack around at home this entire week...

seriously i in no mood at all to blog, been really down on my luck recently...and i feeling quite low..but then....i felt tt i juz haf to blog..probrably the pressing of all these keys helped to relieve all the fustrations....hai...

went to yms on monday..managed to take a look at the audi - our concert venue, well..it certainly is not grand place or wat..but i felt it is a right place for us to haf our first concert...humble it may be, but i hope we can make it up with our sincerity..hopefully la..

our choir intensive practices commenced on tuesday..attendance was great..n i tot we had a good practice...hopefully this can continue and we can get alot of things by end of dec...oh and we finally have a choir name - Common Voices...it sorta depicts the outlook of our choir, we don't aspire to be a fabulous or famous choir, we are just a bunch of choir ppl who simply wanna connect with ppl with our singing..something like dat la.....

wed..nothing much to do...met fush at bugis for lunch...den walk walk and decided to go PS for movie...chilli came along too..as usual he was late..lucky nv made us missed the show...watched Saw..quite a sadistic movie..but i am impressed with the plot...quite creative...n oh yah...taufik won spore idol..not tt i care..but at least quality prevailed...

today went to JB with SA gang...first time go JB with these ppl..got tubbie da-jie sufen sengwee ang paul and weijie...quite fun...walked ard...ate alot...JB not v fun la..but at least got walked walked n ate seafood...the black pepper crabs were sedap..shiok

today, 2 igualans annoucned that they are attached..congrats to weng n ivy....found their loved ones le..the NTU single curse is finally broken....but sadly left me n ang e lonely ones...haha...

wat a week....did so many things..but still i dun feel good...cos i lost $$$....n alot...

a fren was feeling depressed tonight...but den i dunno wat to do...seriously....i wanted to help but i juz so helpless...hai...so fustrating..

i going bonkers...

2004-12-02T13:41:00.000+08:00

IGUALANS ARE ALL GETTING ATTACHED!!!

Left me and junhong the only lonely ones liao...

or maybe junhong oso secretly attached.....hahahahah...

2004-11-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

a freaking boring day...woke up at 2 plus and realised i got nothing to do for today...dun really feel like going out coz body aching from yest's tennis session...or rather picking tennis balls sessions...haha

i am so freaking bored that i decided to dismantle my keyboard and cleaned the keys one by one...actually i am supposed to do tat long ago but been procastinating..so finally here's e chance..and wat a chore it is...had difficulty plucking out the keys...plucked till my finger got blisters...cockanathan...anyway finally get it really cleaned up..now i got a clean keyboard...ever since yrs ago..haha...

and i am bored again....

let's me intro a new song...

背着一样的包袱
成千上万的人走过不同的路
来到灯火阑珊处
不得不由自己做主
我该选择做个平凡快乐的动物
还是坚强的雕塑
我该让别人满足
还是让自己活的舒服

两条路
一边专心看别人玩魔术
作为观众看不过眼
可以假装糊涂
另一边是坚持自己的方式演出
然后等待慷慨的祝福

两条路
一边是漫无止境的孤独
不爱则已一爱就让自己铭心刻骨
另一边是爱来爱去好不忙碌
向每个人收起幸福

小孩才有权力哭
难道我们还能期待大人安抚
已经没有人带路
不得不由自己做主

we always been at crossroads throughout our lives, esp now we all grown up, we just hafta choose e way which we want..

okie..i am crapping..coz i am bored....

bored
bored
bored
bored...

2004-11-23T02:43:00.000+08:00

weekend been good so far...guess it is the effect of holidays...just seem sleep n live much betta without the burden of the exams...been hanging around with the sa gang for the past few days and i guess we r oreadi running out of things to do...tonight we actually juz sat ard at bukit timah, thinking of wat can we do...haha....sick of kopi sessions and pool i guess...anyway may gonna play tennis tomolo, at least a change from the usual stuff...

back at choir last sat, a lot of changes and decisions had been made recently, and the choir is moving in a total new direction now. well, it may not be the best or ideal direction, but since we had decided, i hope we all can put any differences aside and work hard towards it. gonna be tough, but i felt it gonna worth it if we managed to pull it off...anyway juz happy to be back singing...

2004-11-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

finally i begin my sch holz officially..after a week of "self declared" holidays, finally had my first paper yesterday. only one word to describe it - SHIOK

went out wif the ntu ppl yest..had lunch with rap, ang, paul n chenwei at seoul garden...felt super kena cheated...outside the restaurant put a sign "STUDENT s$8.99", damn tempting and since we long time nv eat at seoul, decided to gif it a try. However after adding costs for drinks, soups, and even wet towels, we end up paying 17 bucks each. WTF....even thou with the "++" sign, we oso nv expect to pay double the stated price loh....SEOUL GARDEN IS A CHEAT....funny thing, got a few grp of NTU students oso end up kena cheated by us. So is NTU ppl dumb or that korean ass is juz so clever...crap

after lunch, went home and rest a bit..met up with the NTU cum SAJC gang for movie at lot one..watched The Incredibles, quite funny show....alwiz like animation films, no matter how sucky, they still worth the money...after movie went limbang to play soccer. Nothing with dat, juz tt we played in the dark. Think we all cultivated a habit to play soccer in late night...haha..got light we cannot play one...anyway super tiring...played till 1+ before all cannot take it liao..

been a long time since i can played so much.....one word to describe it - SHIOK

is 4pm now and i juz woke up - SHIOK

2004-11-17T01:45:00.000+08:00

to anyone who had a bad day or wat...

明天是晴天！~

=)

2004-11-13T07:23:00.000+08:00

Today I shall Fight the Last Battle
Weak I May be
Stressed I May feel
Thou Shall Not Be Defeated by the Evil Forces of Laplace, Fourier, Partial Differentiation, Statistics and Numerical Methiods
Cos Beyond the Dark Horizon
Lies My Paradise
Today is the

FINAL SHOWDOWN!!!~

2004-11-01T03:36:00.000+08:00

The War Had Started....

我要飞
但我很肥...

hmm.. it does rhyme..

exams gonna start le...somehow this sem, i dun feel the stress this time round..why? am i prepared or am i juz simply bo chup...maybe my expectations not tt high bahx..i juz dowan to fail...anyway gonna be long 2 weeks...

good luck to all those on e same boat..

2004-10-24T06:02:00.000+08:00

yest practice wasn't particularly good..at least for me..sometimes i really wonder what i am doing in a choir..i cannot hold a note, i dun understand e scores, i always out of tune and my pitching sux...sometimes i just feel i'm pulling down the choir...feeling stressed to try n keep up wif the rest...maybe i shd haf realised...like to sing one matter, able to sing is another..having a interest in something may not mean i am good in it after all...come to think about it, i like alot of things and i am not good in any of them as well...maybe i shall consider quitting..

sometimes looking around, saw my frens having r/s probs, havin difficulties and dilemmas...dun really noe how to help dem after all..nv haf any experience..but then sometimes i'm envious of dem oso..after all their problems arose cos of the attachment they haf to their loved ones, coz got ppl care for them...for me..i nv been so attached to anyone either..n no one ever care tat much for me either...maybe some ppl will say i am so dumb to envy such problems..but sometimes i rather to haf such probs den to feel empty n lonely..watever i going mad

2004-10-20T01:44:00.000+08:00

a very cold night...been quite some time since i really blog..been trying to push myself to study but then i still been rather unproductive... hate this time of the semester...i will sub consciously go into depression..probrably i am someone who cannot stand stress..past few days haben really great in terms of work..but at least i enjoyed choir over e weekend..attendance was good..and u can c it really lift everybody's spirits..2 months left..hope we can make it thru..

2004-10-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

hmm..actually dun haf anything to write...more of dunno wat to write..suddenly i juz lost the feeling to blog..maybe coz been having a smooth time i guess...not much things happening in my life these days...

flu bug is in the air..take care ppl..alot of ppl falling sick..including myself..

2004-10-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

just now watched a documentary called "Bowling for Columbine" - a documentary on the Columbine shooting in 1999..n asked qns on why US haf such high rate of shooting crimes...interesting documentary..beri honest n straightfoward take on such issue...threw up alot of qns on the USA society which the Americans seemed so oblivious to...or rather qns which they dun wish to face n answer...nice nice..admired the effort of the director...he actually really did alot of things which probrably u or me wun be interested in at all....anyway the shooting took place on the day when USA bombed Kosovo...

In China, there is an art called " Changing Faces"...a national art i heard...how strange...i tot is an art which everyone is so capable of..how many times ppl like u or me r guilty of putting a different face when we interact with different ppl...there r ppl who can haf 2 faces...there can be ppl who haf plenty of faces...faces which we dunno which r true or fake..made me real skeptical of trusting ppl...sometimes....ever tot when u tok to someone..ppl like a long lost fren..a new found fren...the stranger who tried to sell u something...or even frens ard u everyday.....how much can u believe in wat they told u? how much can u actuallly trust them...i tink it gonna be hard...how can we really trust ppl...does trust come with risk...it certainly..so are we going to take it or juz walk away from "trust"... dunno...prob u nv noe..i suppse..call me pessimistic..call me someone who tink too much...but is real..isn't it?

had a super unproductive day..exams r only 23 days away...n i still so slack..sometimes i feel my body is screwed..cannot generate energy or isnt my lazy mind at work..i dono..i can plan wat i shd do for a day..but i juz cannot push myself to actually do it...what am i doing...urgh...been eating alot too...form of de-stress or sign of hidden disorder?

can mind really win over body?

2004-10-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

tiring week man...

sunday was ultra tiring...played match in the morning..kena whacked...haiz..i becoming more n more unfit...too long nv play outfield...felt disgusted with my performance...went for tuition after tt...shumin v guai for tis session..got did her hw somemore...good man...made me feel happier for e day...went for soccer kickaround at chengsong hse in the evening..quite a healthy no of our team turned up..had fun playing ard..but super shagged man..legs sore sia...

been rushing my lab reports..but the problem is most prob i dunno how to really discuss n comment on my results...urgh...tink betta discuss with ang n junhua...hope to get a clearer picture....

tonight had our last game in the futsal league...won 1-0..shd haf won even more...n i saved a penalty..hahaha...ok..tt guy shot was lousy..but still i saved...=) din qualify for the semis..the crucial link prob is our 6-0 loss on tt fateful raining dae..if we haf won tt match n actually we shd loh....we prob will qualify...haiz..next yr bah..at least our performance is betta than last yr...

urgh..i still got my comm skills presentation n sociology essay...sian..n i only 26 days away from exams...winnie n shumin having exams soon..so more tuition....piangz like so busy sia...haha...seem like i long time nv get into working mode..must tune liao...wish me luck n bless me pls..=P

2004-10-03T02:27:00.000+08:00

i feel like sleeping.....

2004-09-30T22:44:00.000+08:00

today lost badly in the futsal league...kena whacked 6-0..by the supposedly weakest team in the league...damn..i dunno wat went wrong la....i tot we can at least haf a good fight wif them...maybe due to alot of factors la...the wet floor..the fact no defenders came today n some of the forwards gotta play defence...blah blah blah...

juz felt so demoralised..cannot believe i let in so many goals..prob i shd haf done betta..after i am supposed be e leader of team....haiz...disappointed wif myself..sometimes i juz dunno how lift my team..how to make dem play betta..how to improve our game..i am really running out of ideas...and i guess i not charismatic enuff..my skills not tt good oso..haiz....

tomolo another game..vs hall 7....gonna be a tough match i tink..judging from their performances...determined not to be thrashed again...at least i hope so..

haiz...

2004-09-29T02:36:00.000+08:00

today was pretty nuah again..haha..slept till 1pm...shiok...did nothing much....cept for the futsal match..today's match was much betta than the prev one..today the team played quite well n hard..can see their desire to win....n we won 1-0 yohoo..first win in 2 yrs..oh shucks tt sound quite pathetic ah..lOl..but i dun care...n tonight results went quite in our favour too...which mean we haf a good chance of going to semis..next 2 games gonna be crucial...

went to watch New Police Story with tubbie paul chengwei and ang...pretty nice...quite funny too..haha..esp nicholas tze and jackie chan...and charlie young is still so chio...-drools-

十五的月亮
圆又亮
你在思念吗

2004-09-28T02:27:00.000+08:00

had a pretty zo bo weekend...hmm decided to let myself nuah for a few days after a tiring week...my injuries are more or less healed liao..good good...n tomolo i shall be ready for the futsal match...

looking ahead...i still got quite abit of stuff undone..haiz..tiring days are coming wave after wave....

realised few of the ppl ard me are getting into accidents..hmm..drive carefully wohx ppl...today came across an email from WSC...regarding some mongolian expedition and an university exchange camp..wondering shd i go join...maybe QQ n yan are right..i shd really go join some activities..den i wun be so 无所事事 ... tomolo go ask the ntu ppl..see who r interested.....

tomolo is mid autumn day wor...rem last time during sec sch..we will alwiz hang ard at the canal on mid autumn festival..playing wif fire and lanterns...quite nice ah...tomolo who shd i admire the moon wif? =)

oh ya..my korean classmate in sociology class today mentioned...mid autumn festival is actually a holiday in korea..n they have rice cakes instead..interesting..

2004-09-25T11:50:00.000+08:00

in sch comp lab rite now...mugging for my maths test later...cannot believe woke up at 8 n come sch to mug...thou i tink i will stil fail one....hahahaa....yest signal quiz was a nightmare....i mixed up one component of e formula..n tatah!!~ i got my quiz all wrong..haiz..sian...alwiz like tt...i tink i juz betta buck up more consistently bahx...

weekend...n i in sch mugging...wtf...

2004-09-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

wat a day....had an energy draining day man....first woke up today with a running nose...n i hate to be down wif running nose...make me super sian n no mood for rest of e day....today i actually in sch by 830am..so proud of myself...been a long time since i come sch in morning...

today lab was simply horrendous...i duno wat e hell i was doing loh..i was like a passenger throughout the experiment..my lab mate was doing all e analysis...the worse thing is that i have to submit a formal report for this lab loh...die liao...headache headache..

din go to the algo tutorial after lab...feeling super drowsy..had lunch with the meteor zoo..long time nv lunch with e whole gang le...went to lib 2 after lunch...slept for a while after taking panadol....studied a bit..n then....I AM READY TO PLAY SOCCER!!~

today was the final of the EEE Bryan Lee Cup...so excited...my first final in NTU...things will be better if i not down with the flu..lucky e panadol helped abit...but juz when i tot things cannot get worse..it certainly did....into the first 5 minutes of the final and i got injured..darn...collided with their striker in an one-to-one situation....n next thing i knew i was spitting blood...can felt my cheek swelling up and the delicate tear of my lower lips...first thing i did was to check were my teeth intact..i cannot afford another loss of tooth..lucky they were all safe n sound..=) however felt sharp pain throughout the face....but still managed to able n continue the game after some icing treatment...we scored first thru a goal by johnson i tink...kinda scrappy...but then the opp equalised later on...looping shot from midfield...damn..shd haf saved tt one...haiz...got a touch to the ball...but not strong enuff...i knew i could save one...juz a moment of lack of concentration..haiz..why i alwiz make such mistakes...grrr...lucky lyndon scored in the 2nd half....n we won 2-1..the team fought v hard today....n man..the feeling of champions..shiok...worth all my pain sweet n blood...

saw doc..doc said nvm...will heal by itself...gave me 2 lotions n charged me $25 damnz...n i cannot eat now...hurts man..sian....maybe time for me to be on diet oso..=) oh..got a day's MC...but...tml got test....so got mc oso no use..muz go sch...haiz...

sian..need to study for test..

2004-09-19T16:56:00.000+08:00

choir was pretty alright yesterday..thou got quite a few was late but then we still managed to keep to our planned schedule..managed to learnt 4 out of the 5 scheduled songs...Takeda Lullaby seemed a bit harder but i guess it still manageable...we juz gotta buck up a bit next week...

went n watched Choir Boys with fush soldy zhengjia nana and zhengjie after choir..quite a nice movie..and man the leading boy sure haf a great voice loh...his voice can melt hearts one...thou i dun really enjoy the ending..kinda abrupt..but overall still worth the money....

last day of holz...tomolo gotta start sch liao...nightmare week is approaching.....

2004-09-18T11:59:00.000+08:00

celebrated flo's bdae last night...got me weng yan flo ting cuiqing junling and shuhui..super long time nv c these ppl liao..i realised we r getting less n less chances to c each other as before...but still once in a while such gatherings are great...we tok bout our sec sch lives...esp the BGR stuff..haha..realised my batch r/s abit "luan" haha...lucky i was nv really part of it...thou it was in sec sch where an experience had changed me..my outlook...totally...however looking back at sec sch lives...i am so thankful for all e frens tt i made...frens who alwiz stood by me..frens who i still alwiz keep in contact now..after so many yrs...tink tat's the uniqueness of CSS bahx...we noe each other pretty good...

Parents....how can we really communicate with them? somehow i having probs at times with my parents...not on same frequency i guess...haiz....sometimes i do dread going home..n face all the senseless nagging....i juz wanna peaceful moments..and my own space..

2004-09-17T16:22:00.000+08:00

yawns..

just woke up....still feeling kinda tired...n hungry....

last night had BBQ gathering with the SA gang at rap's place..is really great to have such gathering once in a while...just eat, sit ard and crap...shiok....the food was not bad..got seafood thou we still cannot finish the 100 chicken wings..haha tink we ppl really hate chicken wings...

after the BBQ..went to limbang to play "night soccer", super fun and cock..xiang sheng oso joined us from NTU...playing soccer in the dark with a GREY soccer bal is no joke lohzl....but somehow we seemed to play betta tiz way ...maybe next time i shall org our soccer match to b played like tt..then we can finally win..haha....was really shiok playing wif the sa gang...thou the night-blindness claimed a few casualities..hohoho...

after tt went to Yew Tee for drinks at 7-11..along e way was cracked up by paul's holland-ness...hahaha..i had found the male version of Ivy...lOlz....i juz cannot stop laughing throughout the journey to Yew Tee...

later me, xiang sheng, peter, rap and paul went to ang's hse..played Mj whole night...sian..lost $$$ urgh....playing under ang is a torture lohz....super italia tactics...kaOz....

urgh HOLIDAYS ARE COMING TO AN END!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-09-16T03:34:00.000+08:00

had a fuifilling day....played in the EEE Bryan Lee's Cup..was actually expecting to lose as this team was only newly formed ..the team only gotta noe each other just before the match and we dun even noe most of teammates' names...but still we won!!~ wat a match..from 2-0 down to 3-2 up only to let them equalise in the last min of the game..played extra time and weng scored in the final min of the game...n WE WON..haha shiok man...i saw a great team today...players who ran n ran their hearts out...thou i din run much ( i played keeper) but then it was a great game...we beat the defending champs...against all odds..lOlz...shiok and we r in the final for next week...ooooo...my first ever final in NTU...i must win!!!~

went to suntec after game..met eileen weijie pearlyn giap....nice to c eileen n pearlyn..cannot even rem when the last time i saw them....but they are still the same old selves... actually wanted to join them at sentosa..but the bad turnout and weather shifted our class gathering to indoors....watched Dodgeball, super crappy show..haha..full of lame jokes...oh yah the bad guy in the movie reminded me of chilli..esp his childlike antics..lOlz....

i tot n kinda regretted bout wat i said to my fren last night...i dunno whether had i hurt her anot...haiz...really regretted...

like quite long nv sing song le...kinda missed choir..i nv tot i will miss choir..but then i do now...hmm....guess the effect of it playing in my empty life....

2004-09-15T03:45:00.000+08:00

time: 4.45am

so arsenal had won...yeah..milan too.....steady bom bi bi...thou not impressive but still impt to win first game...

earlier on..was listening to my blog song...as a fren told me about another side of her ....

actually in life, in a relationship...wat's right and wat's wrong? can we really draw a clear line....in love..is there such thing call fair? i tink my comments were harsh...hope they dun hurt my fren...watever the case.....i love my fren and i will support her no matter wat...=)

long day ahead....shd i sleep????

2004-09-13T13:41:00.000+08:00

slept for 10+ hrs...juz woke up...man dunno why recently once i got to sleep..i haf diffculty waking up....will sleep n sleep n sleep...which i dun like...tt why i tink sleeping is a waste of my time..if only i can sleep for juz 4 hrs n be energtic...

so today marks the start of my holz...WO YAO YONG GONG DE DU SHU....

someone pls kick my butt....