Monday, July 02, 2007
"when was the last time you smiled truly"
has not been blogging for quite some time already. just not in that kind of blogging mood.
realised that i have been neglecting this blog for more than half a year already. if not for jac's question, think i wun not be back to this blog now.
lots of things have changed ever since the last entry. i have not been myself for the past months. and i am not exactly feeling happy at this moment. somehow i feel lonely. i feel alone. there is a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my mind, and sometimes you just cannot find that one person whom you can relate your feelings to, or one who can give your that comforting ear and shoulder. i realised that as i grow older, i am slowly retreating into a shell of my own. my social circle may have widen, yet i am feeling lonelier. there are so many times when i need a shoulder, an ear, and i cannot find one around me. so much thoughts and emotions to let out. and i can only let out to my own heart. there are a lot of things do not feel the same anymore and i have been searching for those old feelings. but i just can't find them.
maybe this is the mid twenties depression. i am quite tired of my own life. a life which i can never run away from responsibilities and whatever i do, i will need to think of people around me. every decision i made, i will need to consider the feelings of the people around me. i have lived for a quarter of century, and i can only look back on a life filled with much regrets and little achievements. there were so much that i want to do, and yet i did not. and so i regretted. i really hope i can secure a job soon. pretty tired of answering questions about my job search. personally i am also tired of living such an aimless life. i have never feel so lost about my future. no direction, no motivation. and i have only myself to blame for such predicament. the comments made by the interview panel hit me hard last week. they made me feel small. they made me feel naive to think that employers will judge me on my potential and not my results. and deep inside my heart, i know that i have never performed to my full potential throughtout JC and NTU. my nonchalance and laziness cost me the good honours. i dont know how long more i going to stay jobless. and yes. my application to my first choice career path seem to has failed. i have not received any news even though it is already a week past the supposed deadline.. it did hit me hard too , cause i was pretty positive about it and now i can only pray for my other applications.
was reading the old entries and the memories started to pour in. we are no longer in close contact, and i do miss her. even thou i felt like a fool previously, and i was disappointed. even thou i know it has always been an one sided affair. i still miss her today.
logged ; 1:44 AM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
sometimes how ironic things can be. a month ago, i was hoping that the old, jolly and bubbly "her" will be back. From her recent blog entry, I can see that she got lots of things going for her now and that she is happier, and more bubbly. The old her is back. But I am not happier now. I do not know why. Lots of things happened over the month. Maybe becos now she is back to her old self, I guess I have no more reason to be by her side anymore, to try and lend her a shoulder, to cheer her on anymore. Maybe becos with so much going for her now, I guess I will soon be out of her life totally. I should be happy for her, indeed i am, but somehow and somehow I am not happy wholly.
The whole story about Mr A, Ms B and Mr C is just so ironic. In fact the whole episode seem like a joke if you look back at it. And I am the joke. The recent happening is even more ridiculous, and I do not what to say when I heard about it. I feel like a joke actually but then I guess I am one from the start actually.
Seriously I do not will things ever go back to what's like before. Last weekend was a good example that it may not. I need to overcome myself first. I am the problem.
可不可以让我回到突然长大那一天
那一刻他的吻改变我的世界
可不可以这个夏天这些故事能永远
球场边界外线我们已越走越远
我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面
把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念
在我的天空蔓延
他有的善良和善变
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁
可不可以让我练习心碎时候有笑脸
等着他已走远才能落下眼泪
可不可以让我消失在地平线这瞬间
哭过了冷却了起风了却不能飞
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁
所以我可以一直拥抱心碎
logged ; 11:28 AM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
我很想爱他
唱：Twins
天空 下起雨了 他撑的伞 在你的身边陪著
可是 我不快乐 因为看见 他脸上的笑 是很勉强的
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
爱情 是模糊的
可怜的是 没有勇气选择
如果 再舍不得 这样下去 我们每个人都是受害者
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
当爱情陷在危险边缘
是否都会伤痕累累
是否都会苦不堪言
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
logged ; 9:21 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
sometimes i wonder what if i do not come clean about my feelings to the people around me; what if i actually keep quiet abt my feelings for her
maybe she will never sense it, maybe things will not be so awkward for me now. I do not have to wary of things I do, especially in her prescence, in the prescence of CV etc. I can continue to be her lao pa, and care for her like the way I used to.
I do not hope for anything to happen. I just wanna spend time with her, enjoy her company, just like the way before. But now, I just cannot do it anymore. i need to protect myself....
i really wanna shout out that i miss her, but i cannot.
logged ; 2:58 AM
Monday, October 16, 2006
have you find yourself is a situation where your mind tell you to go this way, and your heart tell you to go the other way.
i chose to follow my heart this time, against the advice from you people.
yeap, i turned soft again. seeing her want to go so badly, i gave in.
will it be the right choice?
guess only time will tell.
anyway like what yan said, be it heart or mind, just be prepared to face the consequences when you made your decision. i hope i am prepared.
which will you choose to follow? heart or mind?
logged ; 5:58 AM
Monday, October 02, 2006
Have you ever feel helpless when you see the one you love and care about so unhappy and yet you cannot do anything to make her happy?
Cos you are not the one who really matters.
I felt lousy
I saw you tear
Yet I can only offer a shoulder
I know whatever I do
Does not matter actually
Cos only he can make you smile
Only he can give you the happiness you wanted
Not me
And never will be me
I live with a mask too
Cos I do not want to make a mistake anymore
And I choose to be indifferent
Maybe I have already failed
But I will still live with this mask
Cos I know
It will never be possible
All I want is to see the return of the old you
That joyful girl
with that lovely smile
Be strong girl
Time will heal everything
I am sure of it
Just remember
Boing Boing will always behind you
To bounce you back when you fall
If you ever need a bounce
Just turn around
logged ; 4:03 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
上梢的黑月牙
白色的竹篱笆
好想告诉我的她
这里像幅画
去年的圣诞卡
记忆在你的芜杂
画面开始没有她
我还在装傻
说好为我跑挖草
学习摆弄它
学生宿舍空荡荡的角
守着电话却等不到她
心里的雨倾盆的下
也沾不湿她的发
本应该明显跟上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差
心里的雨倾盆的下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝芽
也冷却了我手中的鲜花
Came back from night cycling not long ago. Had a pretty good night but body is aching now. Sore butts, blisters and 1 v stiff and swollen toe.
Was sleeping till I suddenly dreamt of something which sparked a thread of thoughts. Woke up to this song playing on my PC. Was it the song or was it the dream that woke me up?
I made a decision to be indifferent.
logged ; 12:52 PM
Monday, July 02, 2007
"when was the last time you smiled truly"
has not been blogging for quite some time already. just not in that kind of blogging mood.
realised that i have been neglecting this blog for more than half a year already. if not for jac's question, think i wun not be back to this blog now.
lots of things have changed ever since the last entry. i have not been myself for the past months. and i am not exactly feeling happy at this moment. somehow i feel lonely. i feel alone. there is a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my mind, and sometimes you just cannot find that one person whom you can relate your feelings to, or one who can give your that comforting ear and shoulder. i realised that as i grow older, i am slowly retreating into a shell of my own. my social circle may have widen, yet i am feeling lonelier. there are so many times when i need a shoulder, an ear, and i cannot find one around me. so much thoughts and emotions to let out. and i can only let out to my own heart. there are a lot of things do not feel the same anymore and i have been searching for those old feelings. but i just can't find them.
maybe this is the mid twenties depression. i am quite tired of my own life. a life which i can never run away from responsibilities and whatever i do, i will need to think of people around me. every decision i made, i will need to consider the feelings of the people around me. i have lived for a quarter of century, and i can only look back on a life filled with much regrets and little achievements. there were so much that i want to do, and yet i did not. and so i regretted. i really hope i can secure a job soon. pretty tired of answering questions about my job search. personally i am also tired of living such an aimless life. i have never feel so lost about my future. no direction, no motivation. and i have only myself to blame for such predicament. the comments made by the interview panel hit me hard last week. they made me feel small. they made me feel naive to think that employers will judge me on my potential and not my results. and deep inside my heart, i know that i have never performed to my full potential throughtout JC and NTU. my nonchalance and laziness cost me the good honours. i dont know how long more i going to stay jobless. and yes. my application to my first choice career path seem to has failed. i have not received any news even though it is already a week past the supposed deadline.. it did hit me hard too , cause i was pretty positive about it and now i can only pray for my other applications.
was reading the old entries and the memories started to pour in. we are no longer in close contact, and i do miss her. even thou i felt like a fool previously, and i was disappointed. even thou i know it has always been an one sided affair. i still miss her today.
logged ; 1:44 AM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
sometimes how ironic things can be. a month ago, i was hoping that the old, jolly and bubbly "her" will be back. From her recent blog entry, I can see that she got lots of things going for her now and that she is happier, and more bubbly. The old her is back. But I am not happier now. I do not know why. Lots of things happened over the month. Maybe becos now she is back to her old self, I guess I have no more reason to be by her side anymore, to try and lend her a shoulder, to cheer her on anymore. Maybe becos with so much going for her now, I guess I will soon be out of her life totally. I should be happy for her, indeed i am, but somehow and somehow I am not happy wholly.
The whole story about Mr A, Ms B and Mr C is just so ironic. In fact the whole episode seem like a joke if you look back at it. And I am the joke. The recent happening is even more ridiculous, and I do not what to say when I heard about it. I feel like a joke actually but then I guess I am one from the start actually.
Seriously I do not will things ever go back to what's like before. Last weekend was a good example that it may not. I need to overcome myself first. I am the problem.
可不可以让我回到突然长大那一天
那一刻他的吻改变我的世界
可不可以这个夏天这些故事能永远
球场边界外线我们已越走越远
我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面
把回忆挡在外面
却不能停止想念
在我的天空蔓延
他有的善良和善变
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁
可不可以让我练习心碎时候有笑脸
等着他已走远才能落下眼泪
可不可以让我消失在地平线这瞬间
哭过了冷却了起风了却不能飞
我可以划一个圈当作是完美句点
还他自由的蓝天
却不能停止想念一幕幕甜美画面
如果放弃了这一切
那么在我身体里的灵魂是谁
所以我可以一直拥抱心碎
logged ; 11:28 AM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
我很想爱他
唱：Twins
天空 下起雨了 他撑的伞 在你的身边陪著
可是 我不快乐 因为看见 他脸上的笑 是很勉强的
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
爱情 是模糊的
可怜的是 没有勇气选择
如果 再舍不得 这样下去 我们每个人都是受害者
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
当爱情陷在危险边缘
是否都会伤痕累累
是否都会苦不堪言
我很想爱他 但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧 免得感情变的复杂
我很想爱他 但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗 谁能给我一个好回答
logged ; 9:21 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
sometimes i wonder what if i do not come clean about my feelings to the people around me; what if i actually keep quiet abt my feelings for her
maybe she will never sense it, maybe things will not be so awkward for me now. I do not have to wary of things I do, especially in her prescence, in the prescence of CV etc. I can continue to be her lao pa, and care for her like the way I used to.
I do not hope for anything to happen. I just wanna spend time with her, enjoy her company, just like the way before. But now, I just cannot do it anymore. i need to protect myself....
i really wanna shout out that i miss her, but i cannot.
logged ; 2:58 AM
Monday, October 16, 2006
have you find yourself is a situation where your mind tell you to go this way, and your heart tell you to go the other way.
i chose to follow my heart this time, against the advice from you people.
yeap, i turned soft again. seeing her want to go so badly, i gave in.
will it be the right choice?
guess only time will tell.
anyway like what yan said, be it heart or mind, just be prepared to face the consequences when you made your decision. i hope i am prepared.
which will you choose to follow? heart or mind?
logged ; 5:58 AM
Monday, October 02, 2006
Have you ever feel helpless when you see the one you love and care about so unhappy and yet you cannot do anything to make her happy?
Cos you are not the one who really matters.
I felt lousy
I saw you tear
Yet I can only offer a shoulder
I know whatever I do
Does not matter actually
Cos only he can make you smile
Only he can give you the happiness you wanted
Not me
And never will be me
I live with a mask too
Cos I do not want to make a mistake anymore
And I choose to be indifferent
Maybe I have already failed
But I will still live with this mask
Cos I know
It will never be possible
All I want is to see the return of the old you
That joyful girl
with that lovely smile
Be strong girl
Time will heal everything
I am sure of it
Just remember
Boing Boing will always behind you
To bounce you back when you fall
If you ever need a bounce
Just turn around
logged ; 4:03 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
上梢的黑月牙
白色的竹篱笆
好想告诉我的她
这里像幅画
去年的圣诞卡
记忆在你的芜杂
画面开始没有她
我还在装傻
说好为我跑挖草
学习摆弄它
学生宿舍空荡荡的角
守着电话却等不到她
心里的雨倾盆的下
也沾不湿她的发
本应该明显跟上的牵挂
那伤心原来没有时差
心里的雨倾盆的下
却始终淋不到她
寒风经过院子里的枝芽
也冷却了我手中的鲜花
Came back from night cycling not long ago. Had a pretty good night but body is aching now. Sore butts, blisters and 1 v stiff and swollen toe.
Was sleeping till I suddenly dreamt of something which sparked a thread of thoughts. Woke up to this song playing on my PC. Was it the song or was it the dream that woke me up?
I made a decision to be indifferent.
logged ; 12:52 PM
