Monday, July 02, 2007
"when was the last time you smiled truly"
has not been blogging for quite some time already. just not in that kind of blogging mood.
realised that i have been neglecting this blog for more than half a year already. if not for jac's question, think i wun not be back to this blog now.
lots of things have changed ever since the last entry. i have not been myself for the past months. and i am not exactly feeling happy at this moment. somehow i feel lonely. i feel alone. there is a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my mind, and sometimes you just cannot find that one person whom you can relate your feelings to, or one who can give your that comforting ear and shoulder. i realised that as i grow older, i am slowly retreating into a shell of my own. my social circle may have widen, yet i am feeling lonelier. there are so many times when i need a shoulder, an ear, and i cannot find one around me. so much thoughts and emotions to let out. and i can only let out to my own heart. there are a lot of things do not feel the same anymore and i have been searching for those old feelings. but i just can't find them.
maybe this is the mid twenties depression. i am quite tired of my own life. a life which i can never run away from responsibilities and whatever i do, i will need to think of people around me. every decision i made, i will need to consider the feelings of the people around me. i have lived for a quarter of century, and i can only look back on a life filled with much regrets and little achievements. there were so much that i want to do, and yet i did not. and so i regretted. i really hope i can secure a job soon. pretty tired of answering questions about my job search. personally i am also tired of living such an aimless life. i have never feel so lost about my future. no direction, no motivation. and i have only myself to blame for such predicament. the comments made by the interview panel hit me hard last week. they made me feel small. they made me feel naive to think that employers will judge me on my potential and not my results. and deep inside my heart, i know that i have never performed to my full potential throughtout JC and NTU. my nonchalance and laziness cost me the good honours. i dont know how long more i going to stay jobless. and yes. my application to my first choice career path seem to has failed. i have not received any news even though it is already a week past the supposed deadline.. it did hit me hard too , cause i was pretty positive about it and now i can only pray for my other applications.
was reading the old entries and the memories started to pour in. we are no longer in close contact, and i do miss her. even thou i felt like a fool previously, and i was disappointed. even thou i know it has always been an one sided affair. i still miss her today.
logged ; 1:44 AM
Monday, July 02, 2007
"when was the last time you smiled truly"
has not been blogging for quite some time already. just not in that kind of blogging mood.
realised that i have been neglecting this blog for more than half a year already. if not for jac's question, think i wun not be back to this blog now.
lots of things have changed ever since the last entry. i have not been myself for the past months. and i am not exactly feeling happy at this moment. somehow i feel lonely. i feel alone. there is a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my mind, and sometimes you just cannot find that one person whom you can relate your feelings to, or one who can give your that comforting ear and shoulder. i realised that as i grow older, i am slowly retreating into a shell of my own. my social circle may have widen, yet i am feeling lonelier. there are so many times when i need a shoulder, an ear, and i cannot find one around me. so much thoughts and emotions to let out. and i can only let out to my own heart. there are a lot of things do not feel the same anymore and i have been searching for those old feelings. but i just can't find them.
maybe this is the mid twenties depression. i am quite tired of my own life. a life which i can never run away from responsibilities and whatever i do, i will need to think of people around me. every decision i made, i will need to consider the feelings of the people around me. i have lived for a quarter of century, and i can only look back on a life filled with much regrets and little achievements. there were so much that i want to do, and yet i did not. and so i regretted. i really hope i can secure a job soon. pretty tired of answering questions about my job search. personally i am also tired of living such an aimless life. i have never feel so lost about my future. no direction, no motivation. and i have only myself to blame for such predicament. the comments made by the interview panel hit me hard last week. they made me feel small. they made me feel naive to think that employers will judge me on my potential and not my results. and deep inside my heart, i know that i have never performed to my full potential throughtout JC and NTU. my nonchalance and laziness cost me the good honours. i dont know how long more i going to stay jobless. and yes. my application to my first choice career path seem to has failed. i have not received any news even though it is already a week past the supposed deadline.. it did hit me hard too , cause i was pretty positive about it and now i can only pray for my other applications.
was reading the old entries and the memories started to pour in. we are no longer in close contact, and i do miss her. even thou i felt like a fool previously, and i was disappointed. even thou i know it has always been an one sided affair. i still miss her today.
logged ; 1:44 AM
