Monday, May 30, 2005
results r out today..as expected...this is my worst ever sem...seriously when i got the results, i dunno whether to be happy or sad. Happy cos i neva failed. Sad cos this set of results is almost second to failing. But i wun complain about my results cause i think it is a true reflection of the effort i put in this sem. There is no doubt that i slackened alot this sem, u can count the number of times i went sch per week with just three fingers and i tink u will still find the fingers too many. I just felt disappointed with myself and sometimes when u c ppl ard u doing so well....u just feel why cannot u be like tt and work hard..anyway is the same old story each sem...
life online is kinda boring these days...hate to admit..but i missed that idiot in US...recently find it real hard to keep up any conversation with anyone...seem everyone is occupied with their own stuff to talk to me..wonder why i so free when others r so busy...haha
sometimes i just hope to have someone whom i can really share my joy n sorrow with..someone who can understand me but sad to say..so far there is still no such person...
我的故事也许比较特别
走过的路也许比较迂回
黑暗之中全凭着直觉
keep my faith watch my steps
一步步靠直觉
也许有天生命中会出现那一个谁走进我的心里面
他不必是个ms perfect 只要他善良体贴
be my friend and my soul mate
我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁不急在眼前 i can wait i will pray
我等的人会是谁何时才出现陪着我一天一点让生命能变得更美
logged ; 11:13 PM
Thursday, May 26, 2005
super black day for me...
worst nightmare had come true...milan lost the final to liverpool....somemore after leading 3-0. This is totally unforgiven given the experience of Milan players, they should have closed the game down yet this is the 3rd consecutive time they let a lead lost n it had cost them the season.
The feeling is just so depressing and devasated.. Worst than Arsenal losing to Chelsea in the EPL....maybe cos deep inside i dowan to live in the joy of pool supporters, knowing that there r so many pool fans ard me. And i know they will rub it in....I hate that kind of feeling, and cannot stand that they are celebrating like they have an INCREDIBLE season when they had only won the Champ League and start putting other teams down....I believe in being graceful champions and hopefully Liverpool wun become another Man Utd in my life...
Anyway kudos to Pool...they won coz they neva give up and i am glad Dudek is the hero...cos I feel he, together with Jens Lehnman and Tim Howard have all been over critisized this season.
Shame on Milan..the way u all cracked under pressure is totally disgraceful...But i will still support u all...
I guess i will take some time to recover liao...
logged ; 11:25 PM
Monday, May 16, 2005
another not-so-productive day in the lab. Woke up at 8 today..but was feeling really tired therefore decided to go to lab later then. Finally managed to drag my weary body to the lab at noon. tried installing another new webcam today, but still it din really work. Had problems with the path directory, but shd be able to solve the problem when the technician is back tomolo, at least this webcam din hang on us...
Prof Tan came in the afternoon, tok some unconstructive crap n left. Bottomline of today;s meeting : "DO NOT BOTHER PROF WITH YOUR SMALL PROBS" Seriously I hate it when people keep on providing negative comments, while unable to come up with any constructive ideas, especially when u r a leader, mentor. Ya, i know certain things are not good, not feasible enough, but as a leader or mentor, you got that responsibility to guide and lead, to try n make the best of something. Dislike this Prof Tan's attitude from day one. Keep on putting us down, comparing us with his "oh so great" research students, blaming us for not trying hard enough when we approached him with problems. Much as I appreciate him for wanting us to learn n solve problems ourselves, pls only critisize when u haf some constructive comments, if u juz wanna provide negative comments for the sake of putting us down, then fuck off...seriously just fuck off..n for god's sake, pls communicate with Prof Chua, how to work when both of us give constrasting ideas and guidelines. They just further proved my impression of NTU Engin profs - they dun give a hoot bout teaching.
Weekend had been a good cept that my soccer match was cancelled...toopid rain...thou i can sleep more but i miss playing matches. Choir pract was a good one, finally we got down to some decent vocal practices. Attendance was really good esp when you see ppl like Zhenjia, Qiujie and Yingting rushing down despite their NS or work commitments. And of coz Sok who rushed down too from her babysitting duties..haha...and not forgetting NaNa!! Sorry for making you rush down in a cab..really sorrie...Been a long time since i enjoyed my choir practices..hope it is not an one off thing...n oh yah CV has a new member - Rebecca , from the 2001 batch. Welcome...
Met up with Yan QQ Jenn YiEn Shu'e and Sam for KTV at Partyworld Orchard on Sunday. Kinda disappointed tt we din go to Ubin but then is okie..coz the main idea to go out with Yan before he leaves for US. Gonna miss him..hmm i tink i will la...hahahaha...Think this holiday v sian...many ppl going overseas....gonna be lonely...
Bye Yan...dun forget to get some leaves or soil from the National Park back ....
logged ; 5:32 PM
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
what a way to end my happy day.....
was happy today coz i got to play soccer despite that it actually rained the entire afternoon, coz the rain stopped just in time for me to play soccer and not make my waiting in school a fruitless one...
but tonight i know i will go sleeping in a miserable mood...pissed? sad? disappointed? i guess a bit of each....and is because of a lie i said...i nv meant it to be a lie..is just another of my crappy jokes..but guess things just dun turn out the way i meant to be..
i dun noe why u reacted so strongly..i dun understand..but i'm not going to say i'm not wrong...cos i noe i am in a way..maybe u r right...any lie is wrong...even when it is just a harmless joke...but i also wanna let u noe..the way u reacted....it hurt mi too....
logged ; 12:45 AM
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
is late at night le...yet i still having problem falling asleep...guess my bio clock has been permanently tuned to fall asleep only after 4am...
holidays have started, yet it does not really feel like it..okays at least there isn't the dreaded stress of tackling examination papers, and no tests, no tutorials, not lectures for the next 3 months (come to tink bout it, it's heaven now haha)... but then still need to go back sch almost everyday, at least till 8 Jun due to this wonderful module called "Design n Innovation Project"... I managed to get what i chose for this module - Enhanced Homeland Security Intelligence Surveillance System" - I chose it coz i tot i can learn something useful like how intelligence surveillance systems work and how to design n implement such a system. But after 3 days, all i told to do is to brain storm ideas....actually it is not that bad...at least my prof is not some strict and inflexible fella but then it will be great that i can learn more....hopefully will be able to learn something real soon...or else i jus haf to go sch n surf net everyday...oh ya i tink about it...most prob i will resume my driving lessons this holidays ..long overdue le..sianz my adv theory expired liao...need to take again..yucks..
there was another murder case today..in sengkang following the one in boon lay....i alwiz been interested in murders...not that i am some pervert murderer on the loose..but i always like to know wat make one to have that strong desire or motive to kill another person especially when you can see that most murderers are just common people walking around you n me everyday...Say the boon lay case...the murderer is actually the victim's neighbour....kinda scary right...i mean u nv noe u will just get killed by someone whom u see everyday or by juz any normal ppl walking past u...really wanna noe under wat circumstances that one have the courage to kill or even take your own lives...which pretty much explain my strong interest in homicide investigation or shows like CSI...i wanna do investigation, i wanna talk to the murderers, i wanna noe what is in their minds.....
to a fren who is going through a bad time....
不管夜有多漫长， 天总究会明亮
黑夜过后， 第一道阳光是为了融化你心中的霜
logged ; 2:36 AM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
yes..exams are finally over, after 3 weeks of torturing, i'm finally free....
been a long time since i blogged, no choice, no mood to blog whenever i got exams. Will subconsciously go into a state of depression..but now i'm back..hohoho
looking back at this sem exams, guess it will be same old story of "i could've done betta if i neva slack". It always been like this ever since i started in NTU. And i'm not being arrogant to say that if i bothered to put in juz tat bit of effort, i will have no problems scoring well...cos for every paper, i know how to do it, i know how to approach it, but juz becoz i din practice or do any tuts at all for the entire sem and i only started to study during the few daes before the paper, i alwiz end up forgetting that one formula or that one crucial step in solving the qn. Haiz...so now u may ask why i din bother study earlier then. All i can say is " i dunno". It alwiz been the same old case...beginning of sem - i will tell myself..i muz really work hard this sem...cannot let myself down...den along the way...i will lose the focus n slack liao...ill discipline? lack of concentration? juz plain laziness? i dunno..perhaps a bit of everything bah....haiz..why i'm like tat..sometimes really hate myself..for being so slack so unambitious and so not full of drive...hopefully this sem i can survive..things certainly dun look v good...
yan and i agreed that is not easy being singapore men...or rather is juz one of the responsibilties that men must shoulder when we grown up - we muz aim high n be full of drive so that we can provide our loved ones with they want. Now, relationships are not about juz plain feelings, or "you treat me so well, so i with u" that kind of thing. At our age, our relationships have that practical element attached to it. Women wun no longer be with us juz becoz we treat them well, or juz based on pure love. It is more than a matter of feelings, is a matter of what kind life we can provide for our partners. Sometimes we may be contend with what we have, but our partners may see things differently. Sound materialistic, but then that is the reality of life, and i honestly dun feel the women are wrong anyway, but perhaps sometimes there must be an understand and compromise between the two persons. Which is why i tink i am juz not suitable for a r.s yet, coz i am in no position to b able provide for my loved one at the moment....
logged ; 6:08 PM
Monday, May 30, 2005
results r out today..as expected...this is my worst ever sem...seriously when i got the results, i dunno whether to be happy or sad. Happy cos i neva failed. Sad cos this set of results is almost second to failing. But i wun complain about my results cause i think it is a true reflection of the effort i put in this sem. There is no doubt that i slackened alot this sem, u can count the number of times i went sch per week with just three fingers and i tink u will still find the fingers too many. I just felt disappointed with myself and sometimes when u c ppl ard u doing so well....u just feel why cannot u be like tt and work hard..anyway is the same old story each sem...
life online is kinda boring these days...hate to admit..but i missed that idiot in US...recently find it real hard to keep up any conversation with anyone...seem everyone is occupied with their own stuff to talk to me..wonder why i so free when others r so busy...haha
sometimes i just hope to have someone whom i can really share my joy n sorrow with..someone who can understand me but sad to say..so far there is still no such person...
我的故事也许比较特别
走过的路也许比较迂回
黑暗之中全凭着直觉
keep my faith watch my steps
一步步靠直觉
也许有天生命中会出现那一个谁走进我的心里面
他不必是个ms perfect 只要他善良体贴
be my friend and my soul mate
我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁不急在眼前 i can wait i will pray
我等的人会是谁何时才出现陪着我一天一点让生命能变得更美
logged ; 11:13 PM
Thursday, May 26, 2005
super black day for me...
worst nightmare had come true...milan lost the final to liverpool....somemore after leading 3-0. This is totally unforgiven given the experience of Milan players, they should have closed the game down yet this is the 3rd consecutive time they let a lead lost n it had cost them the season.
The feeling is just so depressing and devasated.. Worst than Arsenal losing to Chelsea in the EPL....maybe cos deep inside i dowan to live in the joy of pool supporters, knowing that there r so many pool fans ard me. And i know they will rub it in....I hate that kind of feeling, and cannot stand that they are celebrating like they have an INCREDIBLE season when they had only won the Champ League and start putting other teams down....I believe in being graceful champions and hopefully Liverpool wun become another Man Utd in my life...
Anyway kudos to Pool...they won coz they neva give up and i am glad Dudek is the hero...cos I feel he, together with Jens Lehnman and Tim Howard have all been over critisized this season.
Shame on Milan..the way u all cracked under pressure is totally disgraceful...But i will still support u all...
I guess i will take some time to recover liao...
logged ; 11:25 PM
Monday, May 16, 2005
another not-so-productive day in the lab. Woke up at 8 today..but was feeling really tired therefore decided to go to lab later then. Finally managed to drag my weary body to the lab at noon. tried installing another new webcam today, but still it din really work. Had problems with the path directory, but shd be able to solve the problem when the technician is back tomolo, at least this webcam din hang on us...
Prof Tan came in the afternoon, tok some unconstructive crap n left. Bottomline of today;s meeting : "DO NOT BOTHER PROF WITH YOUR SMALL PROBS" Seriously I hate it when people keep on providing negative comments, while unable to come up with any constructive ideas, especially when u r a leader, mentor. Ya, i know certain things are not good, not feasible enough, but as a leader or mentor, you got that responsibility to guide and lead, to try n make the best of something. Dislike this Prof Tan's attitude from day one. Keep on putting us down, comparing us with his "oh so great" research students, blaming us for not trying hard enough when we approached him with problems. Much as I appreciate him for wanting us to learn n solve problems ourselves, pls only critisize when u haf some constructive comments, if u juz wanna provide negative comments for the sake of putting us down, then fuck off...seriously just fuck off..n for god's sake, pls communicate with Prof Chua, how to work when both of us give constrasting ideas and guidelines. They just further proved my impression of NTU Engin profs - they dun give a hoot bout teaching.
Weekend had been a good cept that my soccer match was cancelled...toopid rain...thou i can sleep more but i miss playing matches. Choir pract was a good one, finally we got down to some decent vocal practices. Attendance was really good esp when you see ppl like Zhenjia, Qiujie and Yingting rushing down despite their NS or work commitments. And of coz Sok who rushed down too from her babysitting duties..haha...and not forgetting NaNa!! Sorry for making you rush down in a cab..really sorrie...Been a long time since i enjoyed my choir practices..hope it is not an one off thing...n oh yah CV has a new member - Rebecca , from the 2001 batch. Welcome...
Met up with Yan QQ Jenn YiEn Shu'e and Sam for KTV at Partyworld Orchard on Sunday. Kinda disappointed tt we din go to Ubin but then is okie..coz the main idea to go out with Yan before he leaves for US. Gonna miss him..hmm i tink i will la...hahahaha...Think this holiday v sian...many ppl going overseas....gonna be lonely...
Bye Yan...dun forget to get some leaves or soil from the National Park back ....
logged ; 5:32 PM
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
what a way to end my happy day.....
was happy today coz i got to play soccer despite that it actually rained the entire afternoon, coz the rain stopped just in time for me to play soccer and not make my waiting in school a fruitless one...
but tonight i know i will go sleeping in a miserable mood...pissed? sad? disappointed? i guess a bit of each....and is because of a lie i said...i nv meant it to be a lie..is just another of my crappy jokes..but guess things just dun turn out the way i meant to be..
i dun noe why u reacted so strongly..i dun understand..but i'm not going to say i'm not wrong...cos i noe i am in a way..maybe u r right...any lie is wrong...even when it is just a harmless joke...but i also wanna let u noe..the way u reacted....it hurt mi too....
logged ; 12:45 AM
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
is late at night le...yet i still having problem falling asleep...guess my bio clock has been permanently tuned to fall asleep only after 4am...
holidays have started, yet it does not really feel like it..okays at least there isn't the dreaded stress of tackling examination papers, and no tests, no tutorials, not lectures for the next 3 months (come to tink bout it, it's heaven now haha)... but then still need to go back sch almost everyday, at least till 8 Jun due to this wonderful module called "Design n Innovation Project"... I managed to get what i chose for this module - Enhanced Homeland Security Intelligence Surveillance System" - I chose it coz i tot i can learn something useful like how intelligence surveillance systems work and how to design n implement such a system. But after 3 days, all i told to do is to brain storm ideas....actually it is not that bad...at least my prof is not some strict and inflexible fella but then it will be great that i can learn more....hopefully will be able to learn something real soon...or else i jus haf to go sch n surf net everyday...oh ya i tink about it...most prob i will resume my driving lessons this holidays ..long overdue le..sianz my adv theory expired liao...need to take again..yucks..
there was another murder case today..in sengkang following the one in boon lay....i alwiz been interested in murders...not that i am some pervert murderer on the loose..but i always like to know wat make one to have that strong desire or motive to kill another person especially when you can see that most murderers are just common people walking around you n me everyday...Say the boon lay case...the murderer is actually the victim's neighbour....kinda scary right...i mean u nv noe u will just get killed by someone whom u see everyday or by juz any normal ppl walking past u...really wanna noe under wat circumstances that one have the courage to kill or even take your own lives...which pretty much explain my strong interest in homicide investigation or shows like CSI...i wanna do investigation, i wanna talk to the murderers, i wanna noe what is in their minds.....
to a fren who is going through a bad time....
不管夜有多漫长， 天总究会明亮
黑夜过后， 第一道阳光是为了融化你心中的霜
logged ; 2:36 AM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
yes..exams are finally over, after 3 weeks of torturing, i'm finally free....
been a long time since i blogged, no choice, no mood to blog whenever i got exams. Will subconsciously go into a state of depression..but now i'm back..hohoho
looking back at this sem exams, guess it will be same old story of "i could've done betta if i neva slack". It always been like this ever since i started in NTU. And i'm not being arrogant to say that if i bothered to put in juz tat bit of effort, i will have no problems scoring well...cos for every paper, i know how to do it, i know how to approach it, but juz becoz i din practice or do any tuts at all for the entire sem and i only started to study during the few daes before the paper, i alwiz end up forgetting that one formula or that one crucial step in solving the qn. Haiz...so now u may ask why i din bother study earlier then. All i can say is " i dunno". It alwiz been the same old case...beginning of sem - i will tell myself..i muz really work hard this sem...cannot let myself down...den along the way...i will lose the focus n slack liao...ill discipline? lack of concentration? juz plain laziness? i dunno..perhaps a bit of everything bah....haiz..why i'm like tat..sometimes really hate myself..for being so slack so unambitious and so not full of drive...hopefully this sem i can survive..things certainly dun look v good...
yan and i agreed that is not easy being singapore men...or rather is juz one of the responsibilties that men must shoulder when we grown up - we muz aim high n be full of drive so that we can provide our loved ones with they want. Now, relationships are not about juz plain feelings, or "you treat me so well, so i with u" that kind of thing. At our age, our relationships have that practical element attached to it. Women wun no longer be with us juz becoz we treat them well, or juz based on pure love. It is more than a matter of feelings, is a matter of what kind life we can provide for our partners. Sometimes we may be contend with what we have, but our partners may see things differently. Sound materialistic, but then that is the reality of life, and i honestly dun feel the women are wrong anyway, but perhaps sometimes there must be an understand and compromise between the two persons. Which is why i tink i am juz not suitable for a r.s yet, coz i am in no position to b able provide for my loved one at the moment....
logged ; 6:08 PM
